To Valve,
It would appear that you have some sort of remorse for your original decision to include movement in the game. I mean, with every update that you release, you just seem to add in weapon after weapon that makes my movement keys pretty much useless. It's like you have some sort of schoolyard grudge with the WASD keys, and this is your revenge on it.
It all started with the Compression Blast. Now, I'll admit, this is probably the weakest of all the movement restrictions. But you added in the compression blast to compensate for the Backburner's additional 50 health when it was released. It was relatively nice there, even though the Backburner was overpowered. So what did you do? You nerfed it, removing the 50HP bonus and just leaving it with the back crits. But then you remembered that you still have one flamer that gets a free compression blast. And that there was probably some shit design team that sat there and sketched out some effects in different shades of white. They probably worked their ass off for that, trying to impress Gabe Newell and the other bigwigs upstairs. It was probably the shit designers, the ones that get pushed to the side while all the decent ones are off having orgy's and designing boxing gloves and making some new maps with the EXACT SAME TEXTURES AS THE OTHER MAPS. Sorry to go off on a tangent there. In short, you had to leave it in, as the Valve community hangs on to shit new content like a starving dog hangs onto a piece of meat. And taking shit new content away from the Valve community would piss a lot of 12 year old children off, wouldn't it now? So there were a bunch of retarded idiots walking around blasting people this way and that, and it was "teh best thing evarz!!1111!".
Anyway, anyone who has bothered to read this far will probably be saying, "durr, but jestar, the compresion blast isnt dat bad", and I agree with you. It really wasn't. It wasn't annoying, it didn't blast you that high, and they only got 8 blasts max. But what this piece of shit weapon did do, was give Valve good feedback for this sort of thing. A precedent, if you will. Lots of little 12 year old children liked it, they really loved how 'WAKY XD' it was to blast other players around. So Valve decided to stick with the trend of making it impossible to MOVE ANYWHERE.
Next came the Heavy Update. And with it, came Natascha. Again, I haven't really got the strongest of arguments against this weapon either. The juicy stuff, and anyone with half a brain can already see what it will be, will come later. The stats on the Natashca are relatively balanced, but still this gun is also a STEAMING PILE OF DOG SHIT. I just don't get it Valve. Why is it, that in a game that is as movement based and action packed as TF2 is, would you want to include some shit gun that slows stuff down. Could you not think of anything else? Now, many people are going to argue that it was because 'da heavies guns werent powrful enuf 2 take out nme scouts n otha stuff'. So, you decided, that you would bring out an anti-scout gun in your latest update, when you finally decided to get off your asses and make another update, rather than making a whole new game. (Oh, about your new games. I love how you create TWO WHOLE GAME MODES, with a key feature being THE AI DIRECTOR. You then sell the game with TWO WHOLE GAME MODES, one of which takes about 2 hours to complete, for $50.) Anyway, I apologize, I went off on a tangent again. You decided to make an anti-scout gun, and then 3 days before you decide to release it, you decide that you'll strengthen the power of and make more accurate the bullets of the heavy. WELL FUCKING DONE. You just solved the Scout problem, because now, any scout that isn't far above-average (which I'm not), is now getting torn to shreds as soon as the heavy does his 180 turn. But the content is still released, and now we have a fucking powerful pain in the ass that does a shit load of damage, slows you down and cooks you Egg's Benedict at the same time. Again, this gun is an unnecessary pile of shit. I swear that the entire creative department of Valve went off to work on some game like World of Goo. You can't think of anything better than to restrict motion in your game, making scouts essentially useless against heavies. And yes, I know you're all thinking 'but jestar, dont u no dat scoutss arent ment 2 go 4 heavies from da front XD'. Clearly I do, but as a Scout, it's fucking annoying when I'm getting slowed down from the OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING MAP. And some heavy on the OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING MAP will slow me down until some shit pyro idiot comes and cremates my ass. It's a pointless, uncreative pain in the fucking ass. And even worse, it helps lead on to Valve making weapons that are just as painful as a thorn in my ass.
Here's where I wanted to murder Valve. The scout update. 'Herez an idea XD. Letz just include lotz of movement restricting items in an FPS XD. Dat'll solve da problem of da Scout and make our shit fan base happy XD'. So, Valve decided to bring out the Force of Nature, and the Sandman. Everyone was happy when they were announced too. They seemed like such awwwwsmmm ideas, and they would make the scout so much fun. Well, guess what Valve. You decided to continue fucking up movement some more. We'll start with the force of nature. It's pretty much used by any idiot who isn't good enough to manage 6 shots with a scattergun, they can only manage two. This gun, is also fucking annoying. It pretty much decides where I want to go. I really don't have much say in the situation, because as long as the player has the minimal dexterity required to hit my fucking huge hitbox, then I'm going to get sent back a good 600 meters away. And the scout will go and have a cup of tea, occasionally returning to click because all he needs to do is retreat, because his gun will also knock me back from THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING MAP. And these shit excuses for scouts are everywhere, and if they don't manage to kill you on the first attempt, they'll run away, get health, and return to blast you 600 meters away from that health pack you were just about to pick up. Well done Valve, another pain in the ass unlock.
But then, there's the worst. The sandman. I don't get at which point in time Valve forgot that this is an FPS. Because the notion that someone should be able to completely stop you, fry up a few rashers of bacon, come back and kill you, is absolutely absurd. I still cannot fathom the reasoning behind such a terrible unlock. Again, any Scout with the ability to aim, will send a ball that travels at the speed of sound straight at you, from the OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING MAP. And it''give you a 'LOL WAKY BONK' animation whilst they proceed to whip out their Force of Nature (Scouts like this tend to use all the unlocks simultaneously.) Now, if you're any class short of a Heavy, you'll probably die to them, even with the half damage mod. And even if you are a heavy, the Force of Nature will blast you back a good 600m away anyway, so the Scout can just run to freedom and health everywhere.
I honestly believe that Valve has a grudge against movement. Why don't they just remove the WASD keys, and just have people jumping up and down using weapons that will knock each other around everywhere. It's clearly what they;re aiming for here, because at the moment, the four most important in-game keys on my keyboard are essentially useless. And yes, I know this won't make a difference, and yes I know that if I was professional that I could deal with all this stuff easily, and that if I played professionally that they don't allow these unlocks.
Rant over.
It would appear that you have some sort of remorse for your original decision to include movement in the game. I mean, with every update that you release, you just seem to add in weapon after weapon that makes my movement keys pretty much useless. It's like you have some sort of schoolyard grudge with the WASD keys, and this is your revenge on it.
It all started with the Compression Blast. Now, I'll admit, this is probably the weakest of all the movement restrictions. But you added in the compression blast to compensate for the Backburner's additional 50 health when it was released. It was relatively nice there, even though the Backburner was overpowered. So what did you do? You nerfed it, removing the 50HP bonus and just leaving it with the back crits. But then you remembered that you still have one flamer that gets a free compression blast. And that there was probably some shit design team that sat there and sketched out some effects in different shades of white. They probably worked their ass off for that, trying to impress Gabe Newell and the other bigwigs upstairs. It was probably the shit designers, the ones that get pushed to the side while all the decent ones are off having orgy's and designing boxing gloves and making some new maps with the EXACT SAME TEXTURES AS THE OTHER MAPS. Sorry to go off on a tangent there. In short, you had to leave it in, as the Valve community hangs on to shit new content like a starving dog hangs onto a piece of meat. And taking shit new content away from the Valve community would piss a lot of 12 year old children off, wouldn't it now? So there were a bunch of retarded idiots walking around blasting people this way and that, and it was "teh best thing evarz!!1111!".
Anyway, anyone who has bothered to read this far will probably be saying, "durr, but jestar, the compresion blast isnt dat bad", and I agree with you. It really wasn't. It wasn't annoying, it didn't blast you that high, and they only got 8 blasts max. But what this piece of shit weapon did do, was give Valve good feedback for this sort of thing. A precedent, if you will. Lots of little 12 year old children liked it, they really loved how 'WAKY XD' it was to blast other players around. So Valve decided to stick with the trend of making it impossible to MOVE ANYWHERE.
Next came the Heavy Update. And with it, came Natascha. Again, I haven't really got the strongest of arguments against this weapon either. The juicy stuff, and anyone with half a brain can already see what it will be, will come later. The stats on the Natashca are relatively balanced, but still this gun is also a STEAMING PILE OF DOG SHIT. I just don't get it Valve. Why is it, that in a game that is as movement based and action packed as TF2 is, would you want to include some shit gun that slows stuff down. Could you not think of anything else? Now, many people are going to argue that it was because 'da heavies guns werent powrful enuf 2 take out nme scouts n otha stuff'. So, you decided, that you would bring out an anti-scout gun in your latest update, when you finally decided to get off your asses and make another update, rather than making a whole new game. (Oh, about your new games. I love how you create TWO WHOLE GAME MODES, with a key feature being THE AI DIRECTOR. You then sell the game with TWO WHOLE GAME MODES, one of which takes about 2 hours to complete, for $50.) Anyway, I apologize, I went off on a tangent again. You decided to make an anti-scout gun, and then 3 days before you decide to release it, you decide that you'll strengthen the power of and make more accurate the bullets of the heavy. WELL FUCKING DONE. You just solved the Scout problem, because now, any scout that isn't far above-average (which I'm not), is now getting torn to shreds as soon as the heavy does his 180 turn. But the content is still released, and now we have a fucking powerful pain in the ass that does a shit load of damage, slows you down and cooks you Egg's Benedict at the same time. Again, this gun is an unnecessary pile of shit. I swear that the entire creative department of Valve went off to work on some game like World of Goo. You can't think of anything better than to restrict motion in your game, making scouts essentially useless against heavies. And yes, I know you're all thinking 'but jestar, dont u no dat scoutss arent ment 2 go 4 heavies from da front XD'. Clearly I do, but as a Scout, it's fucking annoying when I'm getting slowed down from the OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING MAP. And some heavy on the OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING MAP will slow me down until some shit pyro idiot comes and cremates my ass. It's a pointless, uncreative pain in the fucking ass. And even worse, it helps lead on to Valve making weapons that are just as painful as a thorn in my ass.
Here's where I wanted to murder Valve. The scout update. 'Herez an idea XD. Letz just include lotz of movement restricting items in an FPS XD. Dat'll solve da problem of da Scout and make our shit fan base happy XD'. So, Valve decided to bring out the Force of Nature, and the Sandman. Everyone was happy when they were announced too. They seemed like such awwwwsmmm ideas, and they would make the scout so much fun. Well, guess what Valve. You decided to continue fucking up movement some more. We'll start with the force of nature. It's pretty much used by any idiot who isn't good enough to manage 6 shots with a scattergun, they can only manage two. This gun, is also fucking annoying. It pretty much decides where I want to go. I really don't have much say in the situation, because as long as the player has the minimal dexterity required to hit my fucking huge hitbox, then I'm going to get sent back a good 600 meters away. And the scout will go and have a cup of tea, occasionally returning to click because all he needs to do is retreat, because his gun will also knock me back from THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING MAP. And these shit excuses for scouts are everywhere, and if they don't manage to kill you on the first attempt, they'll run away, get health, and return to blast you 600 meters away from that health pack you were just about to pick up. Well done Valve, another pain in the ass unlock.
But then, there's the worst. The sandman. I don't get at which point in time Valve forgot that this is an FPS. Because the notion that someone should be able to completely stop you, fry up a few rashers of bacon, come back and kill you, is absolutely absurd. I still cannot fathom the reasoning behind such a terrible unlock. Again, any Scout with the ability to aim, will send a ball that travels at the speed of sound straight at you, from the OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING MAP. And it''give you a 'LOL WAKY BONK' animation whilst they proceed to whip out their Force of Nature (Scouts like this tend to use all the unlocks simultaneously.) Now, if you're any class short of a Heavy, you'll probably die to them, even with the half damage mod. And even if you are a heavy, the Force of Nature will blast you back a good 600m away anyway, so the Scout can just run to freedom and health everywhere.
I honestly believe that Valve has a grudge against movement. Why don't they just remove the WASD keys, and just have people jumping up and down using weapons that will knock each other around everywhere. It's clearly what they;re aiming for here, because at the moment, the four most important in-game keys on my keyboard are essentially useless. And yes, I know this won't make a difference, and yes I know that if I was professional that I could deal with all this stuff easily, and that if I played professionally that they don't allow these unlocks.
Rant over.
Last edited by Jestar (2009-04-24 19:04:10)
