Sheep Stories

2006-08-09 23:19:45

#1

DrunkFace: Germans did 911; +427|6998|Disaster Free Zone

I was just looking through my emails and found this old (not really that old) joke someone had sent me and had another good laugh at it, so thought I'd share it with all of you. I did a search but came up with nothing so I apologise if its been posted before, But even if it has I'm sure there's many who haven't seen it and will never search for something so obscure so this is for these people.

Well enough of that crap (disclaimer).

>
>TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
>* You have two sheep.
>* You sell one and buy a ram.
>* Your flock multiplies, and the economy grows.
>* You sell them and retire on the income.
>
>AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: (Workchoices!)
>* You have two sheep.
>* You sell one, and force the other to produce the wool of four sheep.
>* You are surprised when the sheep drops dead.
>
>A FRENCH CORPORATION:
>* You have two sheep.
>* You go on strike because you want three sheep.
>
>A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
>* You have two sheep.
>* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary sheep
>and produce 20 times the wool.
>* You then create clever sheep cartoon images called Sheepkimon and market
>them worldwide.
>
>A GERMAN CORPORATION:
>* You have two sheep.
>* You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
>shear themselves.
>
>A BRITISH CORPORATION:
>* You have two sheep.
>* Both die from foot and mouth.
>
>AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
>* You have two sheep, but you don't know where they are.
>* You break for lunch.
>
>A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
>* You have two sheep.
>* You count them and learn you have five sheep.
>* You count them again and learn you have 42 sheep.
>* You count them again and learn you have 12 sheep.
>* You stop counting sheep and open another bottle of vodka.
>
>A SWISS CORPORATION:
>* You have 5,000 sheep, none of which belong to you.
>* You charge others for storing them.
>
>A CHINESE CORPORATION:
>* You have two sheep.
>* You have 300 people shearing them.
>* You claim full employment, high productivity, and arrest the newsman who
>reported the numbers.
>
>A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
>* You have two sheep.
>* That one on the left is kinda cute.
>

Some you wont get unless you live in or around Australia, But most everyone should get.

2006-08-09 23:21:47

#2

Cybargs: Moderated; +2,285|7033

lmao

https://cache.www.gametracker.com/server_info/203.46.105.23:21300/b_350_20_692108_381007_FFFFFF_000000.png

2006-08-09 23:46:00

#3

Tetrino: International OMGWTFBBQ; +200|7047|Uhh... erm...

WORM CORPORATION
>>You have 2 sheep.
>>You use one to damage another worm for 60HP, killing him.

Worms is such a fun game...

2006-08-09 23:47:27

#4

Ty: Mass Media Casualty; +2,398|7091|Noizyland

As soon a a saw the thread title I suspected that last entry.

Fuckers. You know it was first the Kiwis who called the Aussies Sheep Shaggers but they just said "Nah, you're the Sheep Shaggers" as their comeback and unfortunatly it stuck.

I've seen this before obviously. Fucking New Zealand...

[Blinking eyes thing]
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/tzyon

2006-08-10 00:44:11

#5

R3v4n: We shall beat to quarters!; +433|6803|Melbourne

haha Sheep Shager
Hey your words not mine

~ Do you not know that in the service … one must always choose the lesser of two weevils?

2006-08-10 00:50:39

#6

the_outsider38: Microsoft Poster Child; +83|7011|Vancouver BC Canada

Tyferra wrote:
As soon a a saw the thread title I suspected that last entry.

Fuckers. You know it was first the Kiwis who called the Aussies Sheep Shaggers but they just said "Nah, you're the Sheep Shaggers" as their comeback and unfortunatly it stuck.

I've seen this before obviously. Fucking New Zealand...

Visited Australia last year, its like its their favorite joke.

2006-08-10 00:54:16

#7

jkohlc: 2142th Whore; +214|6843|Singapore

got a communism corporation?

2006-08-10 00:58:31

#8

blademaster: I'm moving to Brazil; +2,075|6962

sheep rock nice sheep joke

2006-08-10 01:38:09

#9

1927: The oldest chav in the world; +2,423|6990|Cardiff, Capital of Wales

I would share my sheep stories but I like this place and dont want to be banned.

2006-08-10 01:46:09

#10

Darky: Hi..; +71|6879|Here.

2006-08-10 02:03:32

#11

Cybargs: Moderated; +2,285|7033

communism:

2 sheeps
kills one for being unpatriotic, the other is sold as a whore

2006-08-10 17:53:18

#12

R3v4n: We shall beat to quarters!; +433|6803|Melbourne

the_outsider38 wrote:
Tyferra wrote:
As soon a a saw the thread title I suspected that last entry.

Fuckers. You know it was first the Kiwis who called the Aussies Sheep Shaggers but they just said "Nah, you're the Sheep Shaggers" as their comeback and unfortunatly it stuck.

I've seen this before obviously. Fucking New Zealand...
Visited Australia last year, its like its their favorite joke.

so true

and the all blacks holding handbags while doing there dance rotine for rugby is funny to!

Last edited by R3v4n (2006-08-10 17:54:28)

~ Do you not know that in the service … one must always choose the lesser of two weevils?

2006-08-10 20:45:45

#13

Ty: Mass Media Casualty; +2,398|7091|Noizyland

Yeah but we fucken smashed you in the game, and then you complained that our "Dance Routine", (If I hear you called the Haka that again I'll kick you,) was too vicious.

See my thread on the Haka to see 'Kapa o Pango' which got the Aussie's knickers in a twist. >:-)

[Blinking eyes thing]
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/tzyon

2006-08-11 01:39:56

#14

1927(h): Guest

LOL Dance Routine, ahhhhhhh Im telling.

Sorry but I do find that funny. I know you dont so I'll stop laughing now.

2006-08-11 01:43:57

#15

malarkeycoon: Member; +16|6957|Cardiff

I received that very email this morning.

This is a very similar one about cows. Not sure which is the original though

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that
you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The
milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman
Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells
the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more. The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever
cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for
lunch.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again
and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

2006-08-11 02:00:40

#16

Lunatic_480: Member; +4|6849

When playing Settlers of Catan Colonist Board Game:
You sacrifice 1 sheep and 3 grain to place the Robber on a tile of your competitors (unofficial interpretation of the rules)

BF2S Forums Sheep Stories

Tyferra wrote:

the_outsider38 wrote:

Tyferra wrote:

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