thankyou thankyou
Yo mama so fat, she jumps in the air, and get stuck!
What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork. ;)
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork. ;)
I know fucking karate
- Superior Mind
- (not macbeth)
- +1,755|7003
Three soldiers are walking back to base from a long war, they are very tired so they look for a place to sleep 4 the night. They see a barn so they go over to see if they can stay. The farmer says that they can stay and since they are respectable soldiers he will pick one to be is daughters husband. The daughter is this drop dead gorgous blonde with a rack like u've never seen. The farmer says the one who doesn't have sex with his daughter that night will marry her and if u do her u will be killed. Just to make sure no one fuck his daughter he puts gliter on her pussy, he will check everyones dick for gliter in the morning. The next morning the farmer has everyone drop their draws. The first guy has gliter on his dick, boom! he's dead. The second guy has gliter on his dick, boom! he's dead too. The third guy has no gliter on his dick and the farmer says "congradulations! you may marry my daughter!" The last soldier smiles and his teeth are covered in gliter.
this 1 is sik...
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
mind, thats a gr8 joke. to adam... omfg lol
hahahahaha
Non-Agressive Marine
News anchor Dan Rather, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, NPR reporter Cokie Roberts, and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals.
They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief. The chief said, "I am familiar with your Western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?"
Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."
Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing "We Shall Overcome" one last time." The chief said, "Go right ahead, we're listening." Jackson sang the song, and then said, "Now I can die in peace."
Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job til the end." The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."
The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. Marine, what is your final wish?"
"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.
"What?" said the chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"
"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine.
So the chief shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"
"What!?" said the Marine, "And have you jerks call ME the aggressor?!"
News anchor Dan Rather, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, NPR reporter Cokie Roberts, and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals.
They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief. The chief said, "I am familiar with your Western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?"
Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."
Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing "We Shall Overcome" one last time." The chief said, "Go right ahead, we're listening." Jackson sang the song, and then said, "Now I can die in peace."
Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job til the end." The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."
The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. Marine, what is your final wish?"
"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.
"What?" said the chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"
"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine.
So the chief shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"
"What!?" said the Marine, "And have you jerks call ME the aggressor?!"
what's red sticky and crawls up your leg?...A home sick abortion
I know fucking karate
Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mummy, I have to piss.''
The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.
The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''
The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''
The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.
The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''
The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''
- Superior Mind
- (not macbeth)
- +1,755|7003
lol grossjustice wrote:
what's red sticky and crawls up your leg?...A home sick abortion
What's the difference between a man and a carpet?
If you lay it right the first time, you can walk all over it for the rest of your life.
What's the difference between a hurricane and marriage?
There is no difference. They both start with a lot of sucking and blowing and eventually you lose your house.
If you lay it right the first time, you can walk all over it for the rest of your life.
What's the difference between a hurricane and marriage?
There is no difference. They both start with a lot of sucking and blowing and eventually you lose your house.
roflmao...Adams_BJ wrote:
Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mummy, I have to piss.''
The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.
The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''
The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''
heres one
A father was taking his son to school (walk) the kid saw a condom and asked what it was, the father replied "Thats a donut(obviously doesnt want the kid to know whats a condom) son! dont touch it, its really dangerous!"
So when the kid came back from school, he and his friends his friends saw a condom, he went home and said "dad! i saw another donut today!" the father asked "did u touch it?" the son replied "no, i just licked the cream out of the inside"
mmm delicious
Why do brides wear white?
Because all good kitchen appliances come in white.
Because all good kitchen appliances come in white.
A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at ''Lovers' Cove'' where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
''NO!'' yelled the blonde.
The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
''NO!'' the blonde yelled again.
Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
''Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'' asked the guy.
''For the last time, NO!'' said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, ''Well, why the hell not?''
The blonde looked at him and said, ''Because I wanna stay up here with you.''
''NO!'' yelled the blonde.
The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
''NO!'' the blonde yelled again.
Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
''Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'' asked the guy.
''For the last time, NO!'' said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, ''Well, why the hell not?''
The blonde looked at him and said, ''Because I wanna stay up here with you.''
this is technicaly not a 'joke' i guess, but it's damn good and worth watching!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/shoesouls.html
i couldn't stop laughing, the guy is crazy! ROFL!!!!!
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/shoesouls.html
i couldn't stop laughing, the guy is crazy! ROFL!!!!!
A truck driver was driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitchhiking on the road. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride; usually when the driver sees a redneck on the road, he hits them -- with a priest in the truck, he'd have to swerve. But the driver decides to pick up the priest.
A little while later, he comes across a redneck hitchhiking. He decides to just swerve and let this one live when, all of a sudden he hears a "BOOM!" The driver looks over at the priest, who says, "Don't worry -- I got him with the door."
A little while later, he comes across a redneck hitchhiking. He decides to just swerve and let this one live when, all of a sudden he hears a "BOOM!" The driver looks over at the priest, who says, "Don't worry -- I got him with the door."
Man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a little bloke. They walk upto the bar and order the round. The little bloke immediately says "I'm not paying for that!". They get the drinks go off and sit at a table. Drinks drunk, they order another round and yet again the little bloke says "I'm not paying for that!". Anyway, this goes on for the rest of the evening and having heard what was said every time, when the man orders another round the barman says to him "Whats with the ostrich and the little bloke. Who if you dont mind me saying seems a bit of a skinflint. He hasn't bought a round all evening!". "Well" says the bloke, "It's quite tragic really. I was on holiday and stumbled across a battered old bottle on the beach. I picked it up and rubbed some grime off, when a puff of smoke and a genie appeared. He said I could have one wish for releasing him. So I thought long and hard. I eventually asked for a long legged bird with a tight little cunt"
Last edited by obmit666 (2006-05-01 06:45:01)
One day Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Pierce Brosnan were in a jungle in order to take some shots for a movie. Unfortunately, they were caught by a tribal group. As they were about to be executed they pleaded to the Queen of the Tribe for her mercy. She said, ''Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed.'' The three stars looked at each other and agreed. They then went into the jungle to look for some food
Spielberg was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. She tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of them up his ass. The servants finished their duty, leaving a screaming Spielberg.
Schwarzenegger was the next to arrive with some yummy apples. The same thing happened to him, but cusiously he laughed as the apples were shoved up his ass. Spielberg was shocked. Here he was with grapes up his ass howling in pain, but Schwarzenegger had several apples in his ass and he was still laughing. He asked him ''What the hell are you laughing at?''
A laughing Schwarzenegger replied ''Pierce is coming back with a watermelon.'''
Spielberg was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. She tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of them up his ass. The servants finished their duty, leaving a screaming Spielberg.
Schwarzenegger was the next to arrive with some yummy apples. The same thing happened to him, but cusiously he laughed as the apples were shoved up his ass. Spielberg was shocked. Here he was with grapes up his ass howling in pain, but Schwarzenegger had several apples in his ass and he was still laughing. He asked him ''What the hell are you laughing at?''
A laughing Schwarzenegger replied ''Pierce is coming back with a watermelon.'''
rofl... nice one mate
DonFck wrote:
I Finland kallas detta "Åländsk triangeldrama"Sh1fty2k5 wrote:
How do you know if your sister is having her period?
Your fathers dick is starting to taste funny.
i know a good knock-knock joke but someone else has to start it
god im sick, +1 justice i love dead baby jokes
Nine young boys with baseball gloves knock on Joey Smiths front door:
One of the young boys: "Mrs. Smith, can Joey come out and play baseball with us"
Mrs. Smith: "You know Joey was born without arms and legs"
Young Boy: "We know, but we need a third base"
http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/introduction.htm
actually acording to that page im deranged
Nine young boys with baseball gloves knock on Joey Smiths front door:
One of the young boys: "Mrs. Smith, can Joey come out and play baseball with us"
Mrs. Smith: "You know Joey was born without arms and legs"
Young Boy: "We know, but we need a third base"
http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/introduction.htm
actually acording to that page im deranged
Last edited by WarmPudgy (2006-04-29 19:28:22)
btw, knock knock