Fri. Mar. 12/10 Pace51
Will be updated constantly, more vehicles and weapons will be added.
What if the weapons were people?
Weapon profiles- They have feelings too…
Note:I don’t really hate EA that much. But everyone else seems too. So I go with the flow. And this is constantly being updated.
Other note: Sure, it's a lot of text. Only read it if you want too . Part 2 will be shorter, though. A lot shorter.
And yes, this does take fail to whole new levels. It was fun to write! Thanks for the slogan!
Part 1: Weapons
SMG’s:
*H&K MP5: Born into a family of German nobility, MP5 decided that his fortunes lay in England. He decided to travel across the English Channel for a business education. Due to needing money, he decided to apply for a job at an EA Games branch office. He was promised a position of great importance and value. They made him a janitor. That’s EA for you. In 2005, he was transferred to EA’s department of “Actually decent games”. It’s heavily armored, because EA’s complaint department was next door, and consumers firing artillery at it sometimes missed and hit the decent games department. While there, he met his fiancé, SRAW, who was being used to torment co-ed employee’s. They helped design and assemble the AT class team. He thinks EA stands for something along the lines of “Evil Acme”.
Likes: Ice cream, spray ‘n’ praying, fast reloads.
Dislikes: Hitting targets, bugs, EA.
PP19 “Bizon”: Upon turning 19, Bizon decided that the motherland was not for him. I am not allowed to describe the details of how he escaped, only that it involved careful planning and the Red October. Not much is known about him, but he has an odd craving for cylinders. His cousin, PP-2000, recommended that he go seek his fortune as a mercenary in Asia. Unfortunately, on the way there, he got held up in Somalia, but escaped from a squad of angry US rangers and their pesky Blackhawks. He met up with an EA recruiting official in the Mediterranean, and has been working in the AT class ever since. He’s also a champion heavy lifter.
Likes: Overeating, cylinders, a fast paced lifestyle.
Dislikes: Mother Russia, America, those suspiciously crunchy things in rocky road ice cream.
*Type 85: 85 isn’t like most Chinese. He grew up in Shanghai, and grew accustomed to a western lifestyle. He was always a nice boy growing up, and had a cheery disposition. Actually, he was too nice. Once, he was being attacked by three bullies, and didn’t want to fight back because it might hurt their feelings. His childhood friend QBZ helped him throughout school. At the age of 15, his parents sent him of for schooling in Beijing. He wasn’t the smartest of children, because he actually uttered the phrase “Capitalism isn’t that bad” in front of chairman Mao and the entire Politburo. Utterly shamed, he was shipped off to the Peoples Liberation Army for training. He had never been a very big person. However, he couldn’t hit anything. After he was discharged from the army from drinking a Coke in public, he and his friend QBZ decided to join BF2. Oh, and “85” is his last name, and coincidently his IQ.
Likes: Catfish, Panda’s, chips.
Dislikes: Mean people.
*P-90: P-90 had been diagnosed with severe ADHD since birth. However, it didn’t make him a bad person to be around. Unless you like peace and quiet. He traveled to Belgium where he was placed in a class taught by Dr. M249. He decided he really liked tanks. Really liked them. A lot. He went to Britain and decided to train in the Tank Corps. He was a very good tank commander. However, his favorite method of commanding involved sitting on top of his Challenger in a lawn chair, and screaming “Hell needs to fill it’s tourist quota for the month” while waving a British flag. He is very good friends with his crew. However, he became a little too attached with his tank, as he literally parked the damn thing in the driveway. After his third parking offence in a row, because tanks take up two spots, it was decided that he should really see combat action. He proved good under fire. If you ever want to see his tank, it’s the one with the giant smiley painted on it. He enjoys walks across the hot zones of Kabul, and has hitch-hiked a ride home from Taliban t-90, t-80, and t-72 crews on more than one occasion.
Likes: Tanks, flags, football, American football, flowers, explosions, shiny things, nice people, pizza, shrimp, tanks, flags, Pepsi, tanks, bird watching, and tanks.
Dislikes: Sleeping.
H&K MP7: The younger brother of MP5, MP7 decided to run the family business. He made a great entrepreneur, but was short tempered and hard to get along with. Eventually, after almost merging with Enron, it was decided he really needed to retire. He was 54 years old, but needed a retirement hobby. He enjoyed biking, almost as much as the neighborhood kids enjoyed planting claymores on his bike. He began to develop a knack for disarming mines planted in and around his household, and decided that he should go into the engineering business. A gigantic failure with the ladies, he decided that he should go into the engineering business. He took to planting claymores around his desk so his fellow students couldn’t cheat and copy his answers. It was he who coined the famous term “C4 Noob”. After three years of hard work and effort, he met his first pen pal, Michael Bay, while shopping for Plastique explosive to disarm. Eventually, a shotgun taking the same class recommended joining BF2, and MP7 joined the Special Forces, who made him an engineer.
Likes: Biking, disarming bombs, backgammon.
Dislikes: Those damn pesky kids, fully automatic shotguns, tapioca.
Carbines:
QBZ-97: QBZ-97 Was always the model of perfection. He had command of his own PLA squad, customized Mao napkins, a lovely house south of Beijing, and was friends with Communists. One day, he was taking his squad down Shonghua when his men were attacked by a regiment of Spawncampers in a Blackhawk. QBZ successfully got him and his men out alive, by using a method running in circles until the spawn campers lost control of their Blackhawk and crashed into the river. After several “PWNED, LOL” Screenshots, EA decided to hire QBZ. His first week at EA wasn’t the greatest, because the employees wouldn’t follow instructions, and were still convinced that they could secure anyone’s loyalty by sending them an infinite number of crappy gift baskets and “hints” that they already know. After 8 boxes of registration letters, QBZ decided to sneak into “Spore” and had quite a fun time wreaking havoc in the Creature Stage. After EA saw his good aim and great accuracy, he was put into BF2. And if you think these timelines are wrong, Spore was created before the beginning of time. Only recently has it been captured and made into a game.
Likes: Writing letters, fire, Accuracy, shrimp.
Dislikes: Damage, dumplings.
*Colt M4- M4 grew up in the east side of New York. A no-nonsense type of guy, he decided to go for a football scholarship and made it into yale. When in Yale, he decided to join the Special Forces. He loved running into buildings and killing everything in sight. EA, no strangers to bringing pain and misery on others themselves, decided to recruit him into BF2. After a brief stint as a tour guide on Karkand, he was deemed fit to command a squad of the Special forces. EA decided that he needed some motivation, so they started giving him a cookie for every headshot. Eventually, he met up with and befriended C4, and they played many practical jokes, on EA executives. They also made many statements towards EA’s hygiene standards. They’re most famous was when they wore HAZMAT suits to use the third floor washroom, fourth and fifth stalls. Coincidentally, they are not just the only two people to have pranked the stalls, but also the only two to have ever survived that washroom. They still had to be carried out on stretchers, though, while MP5 and SRAW provided covering fire, because the terrifying creatures lurking between the stalls were coming closer. After the bathrooms were de-zombified, M4 and C4 went back to duty.
*AK74u: Kalashnikov’s younger cousin, AK74 was the compact carbine hero of the USSR. He did so well in his courses, that, he was the best in his class. Since service to the motherland brings rewards, his retirement Dascha has already been planned. He helped out in naval service on missile cruiser’s, but decided to join the Red Army. Unlike his cousin, AK-47, AK-74u breaks the long Russian tradition of being made half out of wood. Made out of lightweight metals and polymers, his performance is unrivalled to any other rifle in Russia. Except, of course, AK-47. He has four children, Boris, Ivan, Natasha, and Frederick. Guess which was adopted. However, he decided to join the Spetznaz one year. After many a grueling back-flipping-hatchet-attack, he was sent into active field duty, and had many a successful op.
*H&K G36c- Coming soon!
FN SCARL- Coming soon!
Assault Rifles
*AK47(hyphens are for capitalists! Colons are for Men): Comrades! AK47 Was born at an early age, like every baby. But, from the beginning, Kalashnikov promised great things. He spoke fluent Russian by age 6, adored furry hats, and his favorite color was red. When it comes to mother Russia, AK47 has no rival. Without any annoying jamming, he isn’t prone to doing anything annoying. He even hums propaganda in the shower. He decided to take a lovely vacation in North Vietnam, where he enjoyed the countryside and met his nemesis, M-16. He also learned to hate AH-1Z. He throws many dinner parties at the Communist Parties expense, and to their delight. Remember, nothing says communism like greedy splurging. You may recognize him from Battlefield: Vietnam.
*Colt M-16a2- M-16a2 is a true American hero. When he was young, he decided to join a Boy Scout group, along with his best friends, M203 (Later to become his wife), and Beretta 92FS, who came from Italy. They went on a wilderness survival trip, and learned how deal with rain, mud, and glitches. In the 60’s, M-16 decided to go join the Vietnam War. Well, he got stuck with a lazy Sergeant, a half-trained squad, and only two bloody water soaked biscuits a day. On one mission, he over heard two of his buddies talking about shrimp, and one of them called the other “Forrest”, but he might have been referring to the woods. On another, he and McCain single-handedly charged the liquer/storage tent of enemy Vietcong soldiers on a heroic and daring raid, because the damn biscuits tasted like dirt. Beat that, Obama. Put “Liquor” and “Heroic” in the same sentence. M-16 also had a starring role in Battlefield Vietnam, before BF2.
AK-101- Welcome to the new Russia, Comrades! A remake of the immensely popular AK-47, they are in fact 1st cousins. She grew up in a poorer neighborhood of Russia, but always wanted to become a pop star. However, the outskirts of Minsk aren’t a good place to get anything, other than radiation poisoning. After growing bored watching guards patrol Submarine yards day in and day out, she decided to join the army. We know she’s a girl, but don’t be sexist. This is Russia. When it comes to warfare, everyone can join the party. She fought her way up to lieutenant, and charged many a fortification in Russia’s warfare Simulator Blockhouses. She recently joined EA games, where she was shipped off, like many other Russian weaponry, to the Middle East.
F-2000- She was raised to be a good little girl in Belgium. She didn’t wantt fame or glory. No. She wanted a pony. Or a horse(y). Every night, she had happy dreams of Unicorns and Rainbows. She soon grew up and learned that life wasn’t just smiles and baking cakes. There was knitting, too! However, she decided to get into gaming and reading at the age of 11. She flew through school with great marks, and took a course on cellular biology. After 7 years as a marine biologist, she decided to join NATO. Why? Because it’s dangerous! And dangerous means fun! After 3 years of service, she was recruited into EA. Famous for being in BF2: Special Forces, she was very determined to get those high scores.
H&K G3- Coming soon!
H&k G36K- Coming soon!
H&K G36E- Coming Soon!
*Enfield L85A1- Hello chaps! Would you care for a spot of tea? L85A1 is British, and proud. A proud graduate of both Cambridge and Oxford Universities, quite the accomplishment, and has a double major. He enjoys polo, cricket, and bringing the old trolley down to L-96 AWM’s lodge on those beautiful sunny London afternoons. One day, while pulling his jeppers and bat out of the boot, he decided to join the army. He soon got picked up by the 101st paratroopers regiment, and later was invited to the SAS. On a curious note, he has always had a great aim. EA picked him up at their British branch Office, and it was there that L85A1 met H&K MP5. He also enjoys watching “Last of the summer wine” and “Murder, she wrote”.
FAMAS- Bonjour, mes amis! FAMAS was born and raised in Marseilles, but later went to Paris in the hopes of becoming an engineer. However, he decided at the last minute to join medical school, and has been a doctor ever since. He frequently hangs out with his friends, Arrogance and Awesomeness, on weekdays. He always rushes through work and assignments, and is getting an 83 in European History. One of his favorite pastimes involves shooting a doorbell, laughing when the owners of the house answer it, and then proceeding to “Empty his clip” in their garden, if you know what I mean. He decided to join the GIGN, and after an annoying counterstrike mix-up, where they wrote his name down wrong, he went to join the EU, in BF2.
Shotguns:
DAO12- She’s the new spaz. Since she was little, Dao always threw temper tantrums. “I don’t want any broccoli”, “Baths suck”, and “American Idol is a sin against humanity, don’t make me watch”. If you can put up with her, you’ll have a great new friend. If not, God have mercy on your soul. Once, her principle gave her a detention for overreacting. So Dao poured sugar in the man’s gas tank and put bananas in the muffler. EA picked her up because she was nicer than their entire public relations department and could re-educate their over-the-phone help services on being annoying.
*Remington M11-87- You know those overly demanding women? M11-87 puts them to shame. If her husband, AT Mine, fails to cook dinner, set up the scrabble game, rig it in his wifes favour, buy her a diamond ring, Death by Chocolate ice cream (two tubs), and 12 Guage Steak in one hour, the time between which he gets home from work and she does, that lazy good-for-nothing is sleeping on the couch. He somehow manages to meet her demands, but his anniversary rewards have never been nicer than neckties yet. She goes to work, terrorizes her colleagues, goes home, and does her chores. She rakes the leaves, dumps them in the neighbors pool, and manages to take a dump in it at the same time. She gives her dog one treat for taking a dump in the yard. Two if he craps on the neighbors lawn. Three if he does it on their shoes. She applied to BF2 because she’s not afraid to get up close and personal. And deadly. She makes the children cry.
*Norinco NOR982- He has lived in Canada all his life, and is strongly of the opinion Canada is home to more Asians than Asia. He came to Canada from Southern China, in the Manchurian area. Although most of his family was hardworking, he is an expert in the ways of the couch. After successfully getting rich as a businessman, he descended into a period of such manly laziness that he is revered as the inventor of chips-in-rootbeer cereal, which saves time other wise wasted on pouring cups and picking up chips. He and his friends, Dao and MP7, enjoy seeing who can go the longest period of time without moving, though Dao usually loses. NOR982 is a Canadian Nationalist, and votes every year. He signals his secretary with sign language, who will then go and pay hitmen great amounts of money to get plastic surgery done so that they look like him, and then his look-alikes proceed to go out and vote for whoever he wants. This saves him from having to stand up. He also uses telekinesis to switch channels, because reaching for the remote control is too time consuming. He is very good at doing many things at once, like chewing, snoring, drinking, and taking a shower.
*S12K- When the motherland calls, you had better answer, or you won’t get that “raise”. S12K served as an interrogator for the motherland during the war in Afghanistan. He was great at getting close and firing away questions. However, his drinking problem’s meant that he never got promoted above sergeant. Vodka is a powerfully addictive beverage. In fact, he was so good at interrogating that he held chefs at gunpoint to see if they were lying or not about peas being on the dinner menu. And if they were lying about vodka being on the menu, it was off to the Gulag for them. He’d always wanted to see places like murmansk, or cuba. He has starred in several games, the most prominent being Battlefield 2, BF2 Bad company 2, and Wolfteam. However, after Wwolfteam spelt his name wrong, he brutally interviewed their admins to make sure they spoke Russian. Which they didn’t. Oh well. They’ll have a lovely time in those gulags in Siberia!
*Benelli m1014- Coming soon!
PANCOR MK3A1 Jackhammer: A simple construction worker, he has had a history of overreacting. Yes, he is DAO’s older brother. At one time, when he heard that his favorite donut shop was going to be demolished, he proceeded to tie himself to the shop, blocking bulldozers, while simultaneously singing “Kumbaya”. At least until someone kindly pointed out the fact that the donut shop had just moved across the street because they needed more parking space. The crane he used to operate is actually quite famous, because it’s the big green on Kubra and Oman. However, unlike Dao, he prefers to build bridges and get over conflicts. Rather than pour gasoline on them. EA picked him up to help them design certain BF2 vehicles. Also, he’s the one responsible for the famous wheelbarrow.
Sniper Rifles:
*L-96 Arctic Warfare Magnum- Bloody hell. The new face of destruction, L96 has been featured in more games than even his competitors, Barrett M95 and his cousin M82. In school, he was always took long shot guesses if he didn’t know the answer to a question, but he was pretty accurate. He used his zoom to spy on pretty girls on the beach, and to cheat off his friends in school. He would attempt to study for many careers but often failed. EA picked him up because not finishing what you start and giving up half-way through aren’t very new to them…
Type 88- Coming soon!
M82- The mystery rifle. M82 was always Barretts deadly semi-automatic cousin. Not much is known about him, other than that he applied for EA but lost to Barrett, because M95 was more balanced. So, M82 took a better deal offered by Activision and appeared in COD4. He did send a portrait to EA, however, and this can be seen located in the BF2 root file. C:\Program Files\EA GAMES\Battlefield 2\mods\bf2\Objects\Weapons\Handheld.
Dragunov SVD: The silent killer. One pound of beans, 2 pounds of cheese, and you have a recipe for instance death with this guy. Silent death. When he was little, one of his favorite pastimes was hunting with his parents. A young party member, his favorite color was red like AK-47’s, and they met in Vietnam. He also hated everything about the west. Well, except yo-yo’s. So… bouncy. He enjoys hunting in the woods, almost as much as he enjoys recording himself and playing it on a stereo. He is slightly arrogant, and has designed three Babushka dolls that look like him. In Vietnam, he was unpleasant to be with, as he often stared in puddles at his reflection and took pictures of himself. His favorite one is a picture of him sniping a burrito from a range of 500 meters. It was taken by a UAV.
M95 Barrett- Coming Soon!
*M24- M24 lives by a strict motto of “Noobs must die”. He became an online gamer, because TV and movies were too depressing and stressful. Yes, he sucks at making decisions. However, he cried through Titanic, and still sobs every time he kills an AI dog in COD’s 4 and 5. He decided to start playing BF2 because he likes killing noobs en masse. However, the only noobs on his team seemed to be the guys piloting his helicopter. He liked BF2 so much that he decided to apply for it through EA. They accepted and put him in the sniper class.
Light Machine Guns/Support Guns:
M249- He came all the way from Belgium to join the United States Armed Forces. If there was one sport he loved, it was baseball. He went to Fenway Park to watch the games, although his favorite team was the White Sox. Yes, he is no stranger to disappointment. Neither are EA clients. He always has something to say. Like most guys, went it comes to eating, it’s all in the spraying, not the paying. He is so cheap, that in fact, he has been known to steal his friend SCARL’s grappling hook and use it to steal 99 cent foot long hot dogs from street vendor’s. He decided to join EA, at the advice of his so called “friends”.
*Type 95- When little, she always dreamed of being a country music star. Her family had moved to America when she was 3, and she quickly rose in the karaoke world. If she stayed outside too long, she would overheat, so she decided to stay indoors and practice on her singing. She endured a traumatic experience when accepting her EA Video Music Award, as AK-101 climbed on the stage, and said the following. “Yo yo yo, comrade. Ima really happy for you and all, and Ima let you finish, but M249 has the best fire rate of all time! Of all time! She decided to face AK-101 in what became known as the overheating of the century, and beat her down, and her boyfriend, GP-30.
RPK-74- This comrade lives for two things, and two things only. Partying and waffles. He overheats less than most, and he carries on the long Russian tradition of having a wooden stock. He enjoyed rides in the countrysides via his FAV, but also enjoyed leaning and sitting on ledges. One day, he decided he needed a vacation from Mother Russia, and Vietnam, and Korea. So, he decided to take a military leave on cuba, with a hankering for rum, and no Americans. After, he decided to go try his luck in the middle east, the place where cars g boom more than in BF2 and where Bushes get shoes thrown at them. The MEC was formed shortly after, and RPK decided to join BF2. His cousin RPD decided to join the OpFor (Opposing force) in COD4.
MG-36: Coming soon!
*PKM: You didn’t really think we were done with the Ruskie’s yet, did you? PKM was a big man. He wasn’t that mean, though, but he was actually really quite nice. He did keep grizzlies in the backyard however, Ivan and Ilya. He wrestled with them when he wasn’t wrestling with the lid of a vodka casket, the Russian equivalent of those damn impossible-to-open pickle jars. He was hired on to BF2 because the one thing EA didn’t have was kindness. Or decency. Or consideration. Or respect for consumers. We can go on all day. They did have spore and BF2, though…
Explosives:
Dr.Claymore: Always a chick magnet, he was a flop with the ladies. They liked his good looks, but for some reason, getting a face full of shrapnel didn’t appeal to them. However, he decided that he wouldn’t let that get him down, and decided to start a business making explosive “No-Soliciting” signs. They became immensely popular, until he accidentally got mistaken for one and shipped to a buyer in Jakarta. He decided to go for another year of college and met an A-student, M-24. They decided to buddy up for the Sniper class, and both majored in Advanced Spawn Killing and Lucky Kills Theoretical. They then decided to join the BF2 team, as both now had PhD’s.
*M-67 Grenades- The Grenade family was your average American family. Daddy was an engineer, The mom an attorney. They went to church and watch football Friday through Sunday. They paid too much on healthcare and not enough on kicking out Bush. However, they had rather explosive reactions to what were otherwise normal situations. When little Tommy Grenade got caught googling what he swore was a typo of “Corn” on the internet, well, mommy and daddy detonated explosives under his bed, and forced him to sleep with a copy of the Holy Bible taped to his eyes. Also, when Suzy Grenade used the C-word (Clinton), she was forced to sleep with a copy of the Amendments taped to her eyes. EA decided they would make a perfect mascot for all that EA stands for. Instability, let-downs, and sadness.
*C4- ALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-BOOM. A very hyperactive child, C4 liked to end everything with a bang. Dinner parties? BOOM in the punch. Banquets? BANG go the napkin holders. Football games? KA-BOOM goes the T.V. (when the Giants lose). He always liked to throw himself in the middle of a conflict and detonate randomly. He met M4 at an excursion during their college days. He has an explosive personality. He’s the play-doh that goes BOOM.
AT-Mine- AT mine has never been very defensive. It took a lot to set him off. Quite the engineer since birth, he has been credited with the development of cutting edge new technologies, such as the automatic toast dispenser, and the Gatling puppy. It’s a puppy with a Gatling gun mounted on its back. Half-way through developing the Gatling Pig, (Guinea pig+ Chain gun) and the minibun (worlds smallest croissant), he met the lov- HELL of his life. His wife. Most people have to deal with the ball and chain. Huh. He has to deal with a woman who disarms bombs for a living. And he is a bomb. So, life got a little awkward. EA hired him because they were fascinated with his TaserGuana, an iguana with a long-rang taser dart system set up on its back. Now, Electronic Arts can torture employees… at range.
*Smoke Grenade- At age eleven, smoke grenade gave into peer pressure and smoked. A lot. Since, he has tried to quit multiple times, but he just can’t. He tried chewing Anti-Addiction Gum, but since he is smoke, all that did was get him arrested for attempted suicide. He now campaigns against smoking with his catchy new slogan: “Don’t light up, kids, or heat seeking missiles will lock onto YOU.”
“Melee”
Commando Knife- Everything he does is Commando. He eats CommandOreo’s. He drinks CommandOrange Juice. He sleeps commando. OK, you probably didn’t need to know that. He joined the SAS because he liked humiliating his opponents. However, he didn’t realize that the person who gets knifed by the crazy guy running in circles and twitching isn’t the humiliated one.
Defibrillators- Siamese twins who were separated at birth, the Defibrillators were always quite benevolent people. They basically brought people back to life by killing them again. Using a trick picked up from Dr.Frankenstein the two twins bring people back to life by shocking them. Over 50 12.7mm shots to the head? No problem. Artillery shell in the groin? Unimportant. No body left to speak of? Flesh wound. These two wonders can fix anything. Except vehicles.
Wrench- An aspiring mechanic, Wrench uses science to fix things. He just points, clicks, and magical rays of fixing comes out and fix any problem whatsoever. Also, by flicking wrist in Rocker fashion, he can defuse mines and bombs from up to 1 meter away!
Bandolier- Before joining the BF2 crew, Bandolier used to be a banjo player in a mariachi band. He toured all over mexico. On a trip to the states, he and his group toured new jersey, and they also toured some decent places as well. His career ended after a bad habanero pepper attempted to nuke his stomach from the inside. He’s actually good friends with Santa, but gets on the naughty list too. It’s good that he gives free gifts to the needy with no intention of receiving rewards, but then again, his gifts are often full metal jacketed rounds and plastique explosives. It’s the thought that counts…
Medikit-
Pistols/Sidearms/Handguns:
QSZ-92- Coming soon!
*Berretta 92FS- Berretta always dresses for success. Pure Metal Copper Half-Jackets, Black banded Fedora’s, and sunglasses. No awesome costume is complete without those. He came over from Italy to do some work in the states. Got a problem? Fuhgeddaboudit. Tell Uncle Bennelli, and Berretta will make the problem go away. He and his cousin Joey are a two man show. He’s a problem solver. Troubleshooter.
*Baghira MR444: Coming soon!
Grenade Launchers
M203- M203 grew up as a cheerful tour guide on the city streetcars and busses. He knew everything there was too know about the city. Wwhere to find the washrroms, the best designer clothing stores, toilets, everything. He teamed up with AT mine to invent and patent the Defense Toilet, a toilet bowl with an M249 SAW in the front to protect against Pedobear related threats, and for relieving yourself in comfort on the battlefield. Theres also a lovely newspaper rack, too.
GP25- Coming Soon!
GP30- Coming soon!
Part 2: Commander Assets
Part 3: Vehicle Mounted Weapons
Part 4: Vehicles- Coming soon!
Part 5: Special Forces
More annoyingly large amounts of text: Coming soon!
Will be updated constantly, more vehicles and weapons will be added.
What if the weapons were people?
Weapon profiles- They have feelings too…
Note:I don’t really hate EA that much. But everyone else seems too. So I go with the flow. And this is constantly being updated.
Other note: Sure, it's a lot of text. Only read it if you want too . Part 2 will be shorter, though. A lot shorter.
And yes, this does take fail to whole new levels. It was fun to write! Thanks for the slogan!
Part 1: Weapons
SMG’s:
*H&K MP5: Born into a family of German nobility, MP5 decided that his fortunes lay in England. He decided to travel across the English Channel for a business education. Due to needing money, he decided to apply for a job at an EA Games branch office. He was promised a position of great importance and value. They made him a janitor. That’s EA for you. In 2005, he was transferred to EA’s department of “Actually decent games”. It’s heavily armored, because EA’s complaint department was next door, and consumers firing artillery at it sometimes missed and hit the decent games department. While there, he met his fiancé, SRAW, who was being used to torment co-ed employee’s. They helped design and assemble the AT class team. He thinks EA stands for something along the lines of “Evil Acme”.
Likes: Ice cream, spray ‘n’ praying, fast reloads.
Dislikes: Hitting targets, bugs, EA.
PP19 “Bizon”: Upon turning 19, Bizon decided that the motherland was not for him. I am not allowed to describe the details of how he escaped, only that it involved careful planning and the Red October. Not much is known about him, but he has an odd craving for cylinders. His cousin, PP-2000, recommended that he go seek his fortune as a mercenary in Asia. Unfortunately, on the way there, he got held up in Somalia, but escaped from a squad of angry US rangers and their pesky Blackhawks. He met up with an EA recruiting official in the Mediterranean, and has been working in the AT class ever since. He’s also a champion heavy lifter.
Likes: Overeating, cylinders, a fast paced lifestyle.
Dislikes: Mother Russia, America, those suspiciously crunchy things in rocky road ice cream.
*Type 85: 85 isn’t like most Chinese. He grew up in Shanghai, and grew accustomed to a western lifestyle. He was always a nice boy growing up, and had a cheery disposition. Actually, he was too nice. Once, he was being attacked by three bullies, and didn’t want to fight back because it might hurt their feelings. His childhood friend QBZ helped him throughout school. At the age of 15, his parents sent him of for schooling in Beijing. He wasn’t the smartest of children, because he actually uttered the phrase “Capitalism isn’t that bad” in front of chairman Mao and the entire Politburo. Utterly shamed, he was shipped off to the Peoples Liberation Army for training. He had never been a very big person. However, he couldn’t hit anything. After he was discharged from the army from drinking a Coke in public, he and his friend QBZ decided to join BF2. Oh, and “85” is his last name, and coincidently his IQ.
Likes: Catfish, Panda’s, chips.
Dislikes: Mean people.
*P-90: P-90 had been diagnosed with severe ADHD since birth. However, it didn’t make him a bad person to be around. Unless you like peace and quiet. He traveled to Belgium where he was placed in a class taught by Dr. M249. He decided he really liked tanks. Really liked them. A lot. He went to Britain and decided to train in the Tank Corps. He was a very good tank commander. However, his favorite method of commanding involved sitting on top of his Challenger in a lawn chair, and screaming “Hell needs to fill it’s tourist quota for the month” while waving a British flag. He is very good friends with his crew. However, he became a little too attached with his tank, as he literally parked the damn thing in the driveway. After his third parking offence in a row, because tanks take up two spots, it was decided that he should really see combat action. He proved good under fire. If you ever want to see his tank, it’s the one with the giant smiley painted on it. He enjoys walks across the hot zones of Kabul, and has hitch-hiked a ride home from Taliban t-90, t-80, and t-72 crews on more than one occasion.
Likes: Tanks, flags, football, American football, flowers, explosions, shiny things, nice people, pizza, shrimp, tanks, flags, Pepsi, tanks, bird watching, and tanks.
Dislikes: Sleeping.
H&K MP7: The younger brother of MP5, MP7 decided to run the family business. He made a great entrepreneur, but was short tempered and hard to get along with. Eventually, after almost merging with Enron, it was decided he really needed to retire. He was 54 years old, but needed a retirement hobby. He enjoyed biking, almost as much as the neighborhood kids enjoyed planting claymores on his bike. He began to develop a knack for disarming mines planted in and around his household, and decided that he should go into the engineering business. A gigantic failure with the ladies, he decided that he should go into the engineering business. He took to planting claymores around his desk so his fellow students couldn’t cheat and copy his answers. It was he who coined the famous term “C4 Noob”. After three years of hard work and effort, he met his first pen pal, Michael Bay, while shopping for Plastique explosive to disarm. Eventually, a shotgun taking the same class recommended joining BF2, and MP7 joined the Special Forces, who made him an engineer.
Likes: Biking, disarming bombs, backgammon.
Dislikes: Those damn pesky kids, fully automatic shotguns, tapioca.
Carbines:
QBZ-97: QBZ-97 Was always the model of perfection. He had command of his own PLA squad, customized Mao napkins, a lovely house south of Beijing, and was friends with Communists. One day, he was taking his squad down Shonghua when his men were attacked by a regiment of Spawncampers in a Blackhawk. QBZ successfully got him and his men out alive, by using a method running in circles until the spawn campers lost control of their Blackhawk and crashed into the river. After several “PWNED, LOL” Screenshots, EA decided to hire QBZ. His first week at EA wasn’t the greatest, because the employees wouldn’t follow instructions, and were still convinced that they could secure anyone’s loyalty by sending them an infinite number of crappy gift baskets and “hints” that they already know. After 8 boxes of registration letters, QBZ decided to sneak into “Spore” and had quite a fun time wreaking havoc in the Creature Stage. After EA saw his good aim and great accuracy, he was put into BF2. And if you think these timelines are wrong, Spore was created before the beginning of time. Only recently has it been captured and made into a game.
Likes: Writing letters, fire, Accuracy, shrimp.
Dislikes: Damage, dumplings.
*Colt M4- M4 grew up in the east side of New York. A no-nonsense type of guy, he decided to go for a football scholarship and made it into yale. When in Yale, he decided to join the Special Forces. He loved running into buildings and killing everything in sight. EA, no strangers to bringing pain and misery on others themselves, decided to recruit him into BF2. After a brief stint as a tour guide on Karkand, he was deemed fit to command a squad of the Special forces. EA decided that he needed some motivation, so they started giving him a cookie for every headshot. Eventually, he met up with and befriended C4, and they played many practical jokes, on EA executives. They also made many statements towards EA’s hygiene standards. They’re most famous was when they wore HAZMAT suits to use the third floor washroom, fourth and fifth stalls. Coincidentally, they are not just the only two people to have pranked the stalls, but also the only two to have ever survived that washroom. They still had to be carried out on stretchers, though, while MP5 and SRAW provided covering fire, because the terrifying creatures lurking between the stalls were coming closer. After the bathrooms were de-zombified, M4 and C4 went back to duty.
*AK74u: Kalashnikov’s younger cousin, AK74 was the compact carbine hero of the USSR. He did so well in his courses, that, he was the best in his class. Since service to the motherland brings rewards, his retirement Dascha has already been planned. He helped out in naval service on missile cruiser’s, but decided to join the Red Army. Unlike his cousin, AK-47, AK-74u breaks the long Russian tradition of being made half out of wood. Made out of lightweight metals and polymers, his performance is unrivalled to any other rifle in Russia. Except, of course, AK-47. He has four children, Boris, Ivan, Natasha, and Frederick. Guess which was adopted. However, he decided to join the Spetznaz one year. After many a grueling back-flipping-hatchet-attack, he was sent into active field duty, and had many a successful op.
*H&K G36c- Coming soon!
FN SCARL- Coming soon!
Assault Rifles
*AK47(hyphens are for capitalists! Colons are for Men): Comrades! AK47 Was born at an early age, like every baby. But, from the beginning, Kalashnikov promised great things. He spoke fluent Russian by age 6, adored furry hats, and his favorite color was red. When it comes to mother Russia, AK47 has no rival. Without any annoying jamming, he isn’t prone to doing anything annoying. He even hums propaganda in the shower. He decided to take a lovely vacation in North Vietnam, where he enjoyed the countryside and met his nemesis, M-16. He also learned to hate AH-1Z. He throws many dinner parties at the Communist Parties expense, and to their delight. Remember, nothing says communism like greedy splurging. You may recognize him from Battlefield: Vietnam.
*Colt M-16a2- M-16a2 is a true American hero. When he was young, he decided to join a Boy Scout group, along with his best friends, M203 (Later to become his wife), and Beretta 92FS, who came from Italy. They went on a wilderness survival trip, and learned how deal with rain, mud, and glitches. In the 60’s, M-16 decided to go join the Vietnam War. Well, he got stuck with a lazy Sergeant, a half-trained squad, and only two bloody water soaked biscuits a day. On one mission, he over heard two of his buddies talking about shrimp, and one of them called the other “Forrest”, but he might have been referring to the woods. On another, he and McCain single-handedly charged the liquer/storage tent of enemy Vietcong soldiers on a heroic and daring raid, because the damn biscuits tasted like dirt. Beat that, Obama. Put “Liquor” and “Heroic” in the same sentence. M-16 also had a starring role in Battlefield Vietnam, before BF2.
AK-101- Welcome to the new Russia, Comrades! A remake of the immensely popular AK-47, they are in fact 1st cousins. She grew up in a poorer neighborhood of Russia, but always wanted to become a pop star. However, the outskirts of Minsk aren’t a good place to get anything, other than radiation poisoning. After growing bored watching guards patrol Submarine yards day in and day out, she decided to join the army. We know she’s a girl, but don’t be sexist. This is Russia. When it comes to warfare, everyone can join the party. She fought her way up to lieutenant, and charged many a fortification in Russia’s warfare Simulator Blockhouses. She recently joined EA games, where she was shipped off, like many other Russian weaponry, to the Middle East.
F-2000- She was raised to be a good little girl in Belgium. She didn’t wantt fame or glory. No. She wanted a pony. Or a horse(y). Every night, she had happy dreams of Unicorns and Rainbows. She soon grew up and learned that life wasn’t just smiles and baking cakes. There was knitting, too! However, she decided to get into gaming and reading at the age of 11. She flew through school with great marks, and took a course on cellular biology. After 7 years as a marine biologist, she decided to join NATO. Why? Because it’s dangerous! And dangerous means fun! After 3 years of service, she was recruited into EA. Famous for being in BF2: Special Forces, she was very determined to get those high scores.
H&K G3- Coming soon!
H&k G36K- Coming soon!
H&K G36E- Coming Soon!
*Enfield L85A1- Hello chaps! Would you care for a spot of tea? L85A1 is British, and proud. A proud graduate of both Cambridge and Oxford Universities, quite the accomplishment, and has a double major. He enjoys polo, cricket, and bringing the old trolley down to L-96 AWM’s lodge on those beautiful sunny London afternoons. One day, while pulling his jeppers and bat out of the boot, he decided to join the army. He soon got picked up by the 101st paratroopers regiment, and later was invited to the SAS. On a curious note, he has always had a great aim. EA picked him up at their British branch Office, and it was there that L85A1 met H&K MP5. He also enjoys watching “Last of the summer wine” and “Murder, she wrote”.
FAMAS- Bonjour, mes amis! FAMAS was born and raised in Marseilles, but later went to Paris in the hopes of becoming an engineer. However, he decided at the last minute to join medical school, and has been a doctor ever since. He frequently hangs out with his friends, Arrogance and Awesomeness, on weekdays. He always rushes through work and assignments, and is getting an 83 in European History. One of his favorite pastimes involves shooting a doorbell, laughing when the owners of the house answer it, and then proceeding to “Empty his clip” in their garden, if you know what I mean. He decided to join the GIGN, and after an annoying counterstrike mix-up, where they wrote his name down wrong, he went to join the EU, in BF2.
Shotguns:
DAO12- She’s the new spaz. Since she was little, Dao always threw temper tantrums. “I don’t want any broccoli”, “Baths suck”, and “American Idol is a sin against humanity, don’t make me watch”. If you can put up with her, you’ll have a great new friend. If not, God have mercy on your soul. Once, her principle gave her a detention for overreacting. So Dao poured sugar in the man’s gas tank and put bananas in the muffler. EA picked her up because she was nicer than their entire public relations department and could re-educate their over-the-phone help services on being annoying.
*Remington M11-87- You know those overly demanding women? M11-87 puts them to shame. If her husband, AT Mine, fails to cook dinner, set up the scrabble game, rig it in his wifes favour, buy her a diamond ring, Death by Chocolate ice cream (two tubs), and 12 Guage Steak in one hour, the time between which he gets home from work and she does, that lazy good-for-nothing is sleeping on the couch. He somehow manages to meet her demands, but his anniversary rewards have never been nicer than neckties yet. She goes to work, terrorizes her colleagues, goes home, and does her chores. She rakes the leaves, dumps them in the neighbors pool, and manages to take a dump in it at the same time. She gives her dog one treat for taking a dump in the yard. Two if he craps on the neighbors lawn. Three if he does it on their shoes. She applied to BF2 because she’s not afraid to get up close and personal. And deadly. She makes the children cry.
*Norinco NOR982- He has lived in Canada all his life, and is strongly of the opinion Canada is home to more Asians than Asia. He came to Canada from Southern China, in the Manchurian area. Although most of his family was hardworking, he is an expert in the ways of the couch. After successfully getting rich as a businessman, he descended into a period of such manly laziness that he is revered as the inventor of chips-in-rootbeer cereal, which saves time other wise wasted on pouring cups and picking up chips. He and his friends, Dao and MP7, enjoy seeing who can go the longest period of time without moving, though Dao usually loses. NOR982 is a Canadian Nationalist, and votes every year. He signals his secretary with sign language, who will then go and pay hitmen great amounts of money to get plastic surgery done so that they look like him, and then his look-alikes proceed to go out and vote for whoever he wants. This saves him from having to stand up. He also uses telekinesis to switch channels, because reaching for the remote control is too time consuming. He is very good at doing many things at once, like chewing, snoring, drinking, and taking a shower.
*S12K- When the motherland calls, you had better answer, or you won’t get that “raise”. S12K served as an interrogator for the motherland during the war in Afghanistan. He was great at getting close and firing away questions. However, his drinking problem’s meant that he never got promoted above sergeant. Vodka is a powerfully addictive beverage. In fact, he was so good at interrogating that he held chefs at gunpoint to see if they were lying or not about peas being on the dinner menu. And if they were lying about vodka being on the menu, it was off to the Gulag for them. He’d always wanted to see places like murmansk, or cuba. He has starred in several games, the most prominent being Battlefield 2, BF2 Bad company 2, and Wolfteam. However, after Wwolfteam spelt his name wrong, he brutally interviewed their admins to make sure they spoke Russian. Which they didn’t. Oh well. They’ll have a lovely time in those gulags in Siberia!
*Benelli m1014- Coming soon!
PANCOR MK3A1 Jackhammer: A simple construction worker, he has had a history of overreacting. Yes, he is DAO’s older brother. At one time, when he heard that his favorite donut shop was going to be demolished, he proceeded to tie himself to the shop, blocking bulldozers, while simultaneously singing “Kumbaya”. At least until someone kindly pointed out the fact that the donut shop had just moved across the street because they needed more parking space. The crane he used to operate is actually quite famous, because it’s the big green on Kubra and Oman. However, unlike Dao, he prefers to build bridges and get over conflicts. Rather than pour gasoline on them. EA picked him up to help them design certain BF2 vehicles. Also, he’s the one responsible for the famous wheelbarrow.
Sniper Rifles:
*L-96 Arctic Warfare Magnum- Bloody hell. The new face of destruction, L96 has been featured in more games than even his competitors, Barrett M95 and his cousin M82. In school, he was always took long shot guesses if he didn’t know the answer to a question, but he was pretty accurate. He used his zoom to spy on pretty girls on the beach, and to cheat off his friends in school. He would attempt to study for many careers but often failed. EA picked him up because not finishing what you start and giving up half-way through aren’t very new to them…
Type 88- Coming soon!
M82- The mystery rifle. M82 was always Barretts deadly semi-automatic cousin. Not much is known about him, other than that he applied for EA but lost to Barrett, because M95 was more balanced. So, M82 took a better deal offered by Activision and appeared in COD4. He did send a portrait to EA, however, and this can be seen located in the BF2 root file. C:\Program Files\EA GAMES\Battlefield 2\mods\bf2\Objects\Weapons\Handheld.
Dragunov SVD: The silent killer. One pound of beans, 2 pounds of cheese, and you have a recipe for instance death with this guy. Silent death. When he was little, one of his favorite pastimes was hunting with his parents. A young party member, his favorite color was red like AK-47’s, and they met in Vietnam. He also hated everything about the west. Well, except yo-yo’s. So… bouncy. He enjoys hunting in the woods, almost as much as he enjoys recording himself and playing it on a stereo. He is slightly arrogant, and has designed three Babushka dolls that look like him. In Vietnam, he was unpleasant to be with, as he often stared in puddles at his reflection and took pictures of himself. His favorite one is a picture of him sniping a burrito from a range of 500 meters. It was taken by a UAV.
M95 Barrett- Coming Soon!
*M24- M24 lives by a strict motto of “Noobs must die”. He became an online gamer, because TV and movies were too depressing and stressful. Yes, he sucks at making decisions. However, he cried through Titanic, and still sobs every time he kills an AI dog in COD’s 4 and 5. He decided to start playing BF2 because he likes killing noobs en masse. However, the only noobs on his team seemed to be the guys piloting his helicopter. He liked BF2 so much that he decided to apply for it through EA. They accepted and put him in the sniper class.
Light Machine Guns/Support Guns:
M249- He came all the way from Belgium to join the United States Armed Forces. If there was one sport he loved, it was baseball. He went to Fenway Park to watch the games, although his favorite team was the White Sox. Yes, he is no stranger to disappointment. Neither are EA clients. He always has something to say. Like most guys, went it comes to eating, it’s all in the spraying, not the paying. He is so cheap, that in fact, he has been known to steal his friend SCARL’s grappling hook and use it to steal 99 cent foot long hot dogs from street vendor’s. He decided to join EA, at the advice of his so called “friends”.
*Type 95- When little, she always dreamed of being a country music star. Her family had moved to America when she was 3, and she quickly rose in the karaoke world. If she stayed outside too long, she would overheat, so she decided to stay indoors and practice on her singing. She endured a traumatic experience when accepting her EA Video Music Award, as AK-101 climbed on the stage, and said the following. “Yo yo yo, comrade. Ima really happy for you and all, and Ima let you finish, but M249 has the best fire rate of all time! Of all time! She decided to face AK-101 in what became known as the overheating of the century, and beat her down, and her boyfriend, GP-30.
RPK-74- This comrade lives for two things, and two things only. Partying and waffles. He overheats less than most, and he carries on the long Russian tradition of having a wooden stock. He enjoyed rides in the countrysides via his FAV, but also enjoyed leaning and sitting on ledges. One day, he decided he needed a vacation from Mother Russia, and Vietnam, and Korea. So, he decided to take a military leave on cuba, with a hankering for rum, and no Americans. After, he decided to go try his luck in the middle east, the place where cars g boom more than in BF2 and where Bushes get shoes thrown at them. The MEC was formed shortly after, and RPK decided to join BF2. His cousin RPD decided to join the OpFor (Opposing force) in COD4.
MG-36: Coming soon!
*PKM: You didn’t really think we were done with the Ruskie’s yet, did you? PKM was a big man. He wasn’t that mean, though, but he was actually really quite nice. He did keep grizzlies in the backyard however, Ivan and Ilya. He wrestled with them when he wasn’t wrestling with the lid of a vodka casket, the Russian equivalent of those damn impossible-to-open pickle jars. He was hired on to BF2 because the one thing EA didn’t have was kindness. Or decency. Or consideration. Or respect for consumers. We can go on all day. They did have spore and BF2, though…
Explosives:
Dr.Claymore: Always a chick magnet, he was a flop with the ladies. They liked his good looks, but for some reason, getting a face full of shrapnel didn’t appeal to them. However, he decided that he wouldn’t let that get him down, and decided to start a business making explosive “No-Soliciting” signs. They became immensely popular, until he accidentally got mistaken for one and shipped to a buyer in Jakarta. He decided to go for another year of college and met an A-student, M-24. They decided to buddy up for the Sniper class, and both majored in Advanced Spawn Killing and Lucky Kills Theoretical. They then decided to join the BF2 team, as both now had PhD’s.
*M-67 Grenades- The Grenade family was your average American family. Daddy was an engineer, The mom an attorney. They went to church and watch football Friday through Sunday. They paid too much on healthcare and not enough on kicking out Bush. However, they had rather explosive reactions to what were otherwise normal situations. When little Tommy Grenade got caught googling what he swore was a typo of “Corn” on the internet, well, mommy and daddy detonated explosives under his bed, and forced him to sleep with a copy of the Holy Bible taped to his eyes. Also, when Suzy Grenade used the C-word (Clinton), she was forced to sleep with a copy of the Amendments taped to her eyes. EA decided they would make a perfect mascot for all that EA stands for. Instability, let-downs, and sadness.
*C4- ALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-BOOM. A very hyperactive child, C4 liked to end everything with a bang. Dinner parties? BOOM in the punch. Banquets? BANG go the napkin holders. Football games? KA-BOOM goes the T.V. (when the Giants lose). He always liked to throw himself in the middle of a conflict and detonate randomly. He met M4 at an excursion during their college days. He has an explosive personality. He’s the play-doh that goes BOOM.
AT-Mine- AT mine has never been very defensive. It took a lot to set him off. Quite the engineer since birth, he has been credited with the development of cutting edge new technologies, such as the automatic toast dispenser, and the Gatling puppy. It’s a puppy with a Gatling gun mounted on its back. Half-way through developing the Gatling Pig, (Guinea pig+ Chain gun) and the minibun (worlds smallest croissant), he met the lov- HELL of his life. His wife. Most people have to deal with the ball and chain. Huh. He has to deal with a woman who disarms bombs for a living. And he is a bomb. So, life got a little awkward. EA hired him because they were fascinated with his TaserGuana, an iguana with a long-rang taser dart system set up on its back. Now, Electronic Arts can torture employees… at range.
*Smoke Grenade- At age eleven, smoke grenade gave into peer pressure and smoked. A lot. Since, he has tried to quit multiple times, but he just can’t. He tried chewing Anti-Addiction Gum, but since he is smoke, all that did was get him arrested for attempted suicide. He now campaigns against smoking with his catchy new slogan: “Don’t light up, kids, or heat seeking missiles will lock onto YOU.”
“Melee”
Commando Knife- Everything he does is Commando. He eats CommandOreo’s. He drinks CommandOrange Juice. He sleeps commando. OK, you probably didn’t need to know that. He joined the SAS because he liked humiliating his opponents. However, he didn’t realize that the person who gets knifed by the crazy guy running in circles and twitching isn’t the humiliated one.
Defibrillators- Siamese twins who were separated at birth, the Defibrillators were always quite benevolent people. They basically brought people back to life by killing them again. Using a trick picked up from Dr.Frankenstein the two twins bring people back to life by shocking them. Over 50 12.7mm shots to the head? No problem. Artillery shell in the groin? Unimportant. No body left to speak of? Flesh wound. These two wonders can fix anything. Except vehicles.
Wrench- An aspiring mechanic, Wrench uses science to fix things. He just points, clicks, and magical rays of fixing comes out and fix any problem whatsoever. Also, by flicking wrist in Rocker fashion, he can defuse mines and bombs from up to 1 meter away!
Bandolier- Before joining the BF2 crew, Bandolier used to be a banjo player in a mariachi band. He toured all over mexico. On a trip to the states, he and his group toured new jersey, and they also toured some decent places as well. His career ended after a bad habanero pepper attempted to nuke his stomach from the inside. He’s actually good friends with Santa, but gets on the naughty list too. It’s good that he gives free gifts to the needy with no intention of receiving rewards, but then again, his gifts are often full metal jacketed rounds and plastique explosives. It’s the thought that counts…
Medikit-
Pistols/Sidearms/Handguns:
QSZ-92- Coming soon!
*Berretta 92FS- Berretta always dresses for success. Pure Metal Copper Half-Jackets, Black banded Fedora’s, and sunglasses. No awesome costume is complete without those. He came over from Italy to do some work in the states. Got a problem? Fuhgeddaboudit. Tell Uncle Bennelli, and Berretta will make the problem go away. He and his cousin Joey are a two man show. He’s a problem solver. Troubleshooter.
*Baghira MR444: Coming soon!
Grenade Launchers
M203- M203 grew up as a cheerful tour guide on the city streetcars and busses. He knew everything there was too know about the city. Wwhere to find the washrroms, the best designer clothing stores, toilets, everything. He teamed up with AT mine to invent and patent the Defense Toilet, a toilet bowl with an M249 SAW in the front to protect against Pedobear related threats, and for relieving yourself in comfort on the battlefield. Theres also a lovely newspaper rack, too.
GP25- Coming Soon!
GP30- Coming soon!
Part 2: Commander Assets
Part 3: Vehicle Mounted Weapons
Part 4: Vehicles- Coming soon!
Part 5: Special Forces
More annoyingly large amounts of text: Coming soon!
Last edited by pace51 (2010-03-24 11:09:11)
