Oh shnap, i cant believe you just said thatKung Jew wrote:
Seeing as I work in an Optical (I'm so punny),
What did one eye say to the other eye?
Saaay, something between us smells.
KJ
If you are looking for the truly depraved,jaw dropping, I-can't-believe-he-said-that type jokes, I apologize. I will not post them here. They range from clergy molestation to beasiality and back again. None of them are fit to be printed here in the public eye. From time to time they will eek out in joke monday, but I won't post them all in one run. The backlash of negative karma would eat all of my positive karma up.
Hahaahaha not badKing_County_Downy wrote:
Alright, there's this chick cruising along in her Beamer (A Beamer is a BMW) and sees a horse sinking in quicksand. So she says "poor horse" and drives over to it. The horse says "lady, you gotta help get me outta here" so the lady says "hold on, let me get my Beamer". So the lady backs up the Beamer to the horse, ties a rope around the bumper, and pulls the horse out.
The next day, the horse sees the lady that saved him, stuck in quicksand. So he runs over to the lady and she says "Horse, you gotta help get me outta here! Go get my Beamer and pull me out!" The horse says "lady, I'm a horse, I got a three foot cock". And with that, the lady grabs the horse's cock and he pulls her out.
Anyone know the moral to the story?
Answer: You don't need a Beamer to pick up on chicks if you're hung like a horse.
LOL thats the best joke ive heard in a long time +14_Phucsache wrote:
Why do elephants paint their balls red??Marconius wrote:
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in strawberry patches!
Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?
No? Works pretty well, doesn't it?
*I know way too many bad jokes...you can ask any of the admins*
To hide in apple tree's.
How did tarzan die???
Pickin bloody apples
That is a BAD bad joke....i hope you get a lifetime banCameronPoe wrote:
Here's a good BAD joke:
Little Amy was running around the house of an evening when she burst into her parents room. Her mother had just got out of the shower and was drying herself. She was getting ready to go out to Bingo that night.
Amy: 'Mummy, Mummy, what are those two things there!?'
Mother: 'Oh dear, they're my breasts, dear!'
Amy: 'Mummy, Mummy, when do I get breasts? When do I get breasts?'
Mother: 'Oh kitten, you won't get them until you've grown up into a big girl, dear.'
Amy: 'And Mummy, what's that furry stuff down there?'
Feeling awkward, Mother: 'That's my pubic hair, dear!'
Amy: 'When do I get hair down there Mummy?'
Mother: 'Oh kitten, you won't get them until you've grown up into a big girl, dear.'
Amy, her inquisitiveness sated, runs off down the hall and bursts into the bathroom. SHe is confronted with something she doesn't quite understand - her father is over the toilet, masturbating.
Amy: 'Daddy, Daddy, what is that big purple snake thing there Daddy?'
Shocked Daddy: 'Er, that's my dick, dear!'
Amy: 'Daddy, Daddy, when do I get one of those, Daddy?'
Daddy: 'As soon as your mum goes to bingo!!!!!!'
Depraved.
OK HERE COMES THE CRACKER if no-one else is gunna say it i will.
Why are pirates pirates? Because they YARRRRRRR
Why are pirates pirates? Because they YARRRRRRR
Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A. Doughnuts.
Jesus saves..................... PASSES TO MOSSES.............. SCOOOOOOORE!
A. Doughnuts.
Jesus saves..................... PASSES TO MOSSES.............. SCOOOOOOORE!
yo momma like a hardware store ... ten cents a screw
Continuing on from that joke:dweethw wrote:
yo momma like a hardware store ... ten cents a screw
Why is the toyboy like a hardware store? Cause when the husband comes home, he says "Nuts, I've got to bolt!" HAHAHA
Last edited by Vub (2007-01-13 02:36:45)
There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"
"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."
"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows???
They made head lines!!
lolololollipops!
They made head lines!!
lolololollipops!
I guy decides to get away from it all and move to a remote cabin in the mountains. The closest civilization is a trading post 60 miles away. So he stops at the trading post and picks up 6 months of supplies and as he is paying the shopkeeper he asks for future references...
Man: Do you have any women here at the trading post?
Shopkeeper: no but we have Wong the Chinaman.
Man: No I don't play that shit!
So he heads off to his cabin and 6 months pass and he heads back down to the post for supplies and as he is leaving.
Man: you guys get any women up here yet?
Shopkeeper: NO, but we still got Wong the Chinaman.
Man: like I said I don't play that shit!
So of course another 6 months goes by and he is out of supplies again and REALLY horny. So he heads back to the trading post.
Man: Please tell me you guys have got some women up here now.
Shopkeeper: No but we still have Wong the Chinaman.
Man:(thinks hard) Well OK I quess I'll go for it.
Shopkeeper: Ok wait right here while I go to the back and get a couple of other guys.
Man: A couple of other guys? Why do we need them?
Shopkeeper: Hey Wong the Chinaman don't go for that shit either!
Yeah I know a BAD un_politically correct joke
Man: Do you have any women here at the trading post?
Shopkeeper: no but we have Wong the Chinaman.
Man: No I don't play that shit!
So he heads off to his cabin and 6 months pass and he heads back down to the post for supplies and as he is leaving.
Man: you guys get any women up here yet?
Shopkeeper: NO, but we still got Wong the Chinaman.
Man: like I said I don't play that shit!
So of course another 6 months goes by and he is out of supplies again and REALLY horny. So he heads back to the trading post.
Man: Please tell me you guys have got some women up here now.
Shopkeeper: No but we still have Wong the Chinaman.
Man:(thinks hard) Well OK I quess I'll go for it.
Shopkeeper: Ok wait right here while I go to the back and get a couple of other guys.
Man: A couple of other guys? Why do we need them?
Shopkeeper: Hey Wong the Chinaman don't go for that shit either!
Yeah I know a BAD un_politically correct joke
A cannibal walks out of a toilet crying his eyes out.
Another cannibal walks up to him and asks "What's the matter"?
Ive just dumped my girlfreind!
Another cannibal walks up to him and asks "What's the matter"?
Ive just dumped my girlfreind!
After reallly great sex my Thai girlfreind lay there lovingly stroking my cock.
I asked, "do you want more sex"?
"No" she replied, "I'm just admiring your penis.....coz I really miss mine"!
I asked, "do you want more sex"?
"No" she replied, "I'm just admiring your penis.....coz I really miss mine"!
doesn't do it for me at all. not funny and not much shock value. what's so un-PC about it, because there's wong the chinaman?Sgt.Zubie wrote:
I guy decides to get away from it all and move to a remote cabin in the mountains. The closest civilization is a trading post 60 miles away. So he stops at the trading post and picks up 6 months of supplies and as he is paying the shopkeeper he asks for future references...
Man: Do you have any women here at the trading post?
Shopkeeper: no but we have Wong the Chinaman.
Man: No I don't play that shit!
So he heads off to his cabin and 6 months pass and he heads back down to the post for supplies and as he is leaving.
Man: you guys get any women up here yet?
Shopkeeper: NO, but we still got Wong the Chinaman.
Man: like I said I don't play that shit!
So of course another 6 months goes by and he is out of supplies again and REALLY horny. So he heads back to the trading post.
Man: Please tell me you guys have got some women up here now.
Shopkeeper: No but we still have Wong the Chinaman.
Man:(thinks hard) Well OK I quess I'll go for it.
Shopkeeper: Ok wait right here while I go to the back and get a couple of other guys.
Man: A couple of other guys? Why do we need them?
Shopkeeper: Hey Wong the Chinaman don't go for that shit either!
Yeah I know a BAD un_politically correct joke
- You know why the mammoths died out?
- No
- There were´nt any Pappoths
- No
- There were´nt any Pappoths
Yep the Chinaman part, some may be offended, and of course it's BAD...that's why I posted it here.Krappyappy wrote:
doesn't do it for me at all. not funny and not much shock value. what's so un-PC about it, because there's wong the chinaman?Sgt.Zubie wrote:
I guy decides to get away from it all and move to a remote cabin in the mountains. The closest civilization is a trading post 60 miles away. So he stops at the trading post and picks up 6 months of supplies and as he is paying the shopkeeper he asks for future references...
Man: Do you have any women here at the trading post?
Shopkeeper: no but we have Wong the Chinaman.
Man: No I don't play that shit!
So he heads off to his cabin and 6 months pass and he heads back down to the post for supplies and as he is leaving.
Man: you guys get any women up here yet?
Shopkeeper: NO, but we still got Wong the Chinaman.
Man: like I said I don't play that shit!
So of course another 6 months goes by and he is out of supplies again and REALLY horny. So he heads back to the trading post.
Man: Please tell me you guys have got some women up here now.
Shopkeeper: No but we still have Wong the Chinaman.
Man:(thinks hard) Well OK I quess I'll go for it.
Shopkeeper: Ok wait right here while I go to the back and get a couple of other guys.
Man: A couple of other guys? Why do we need them?
Shopkeeper: Hey Wong the Chinaman don't go for that shit either!
Yeah I know a BAD un_politically correct joke
Why did the Chicken cross the Internet?
to get to the other site.
to get to the other site.
Your mama is so fat even her picture is heavy.
LOLROFLMAO lolzors1111!!! Fucking SICK arghh11! Police rage!11++CameronPoe wrote:
Here's a good BAD joke:
Little Amy was running around the house of an evening when she burst into her parents room. Her mother had just got out of the shower and was drying herself. She was getting ready to go out to Bingo that night.
Amy: 'Mummy, Mummy, what are those two things there!?'
Mother: 'Oh dear, they're my breasts, dear!'
Amy: 'Mummy, Mummy, when do I get breasts? When do I get breasts?'
Mother: 'Oh kitten, you won't get them until you've grown up into a big girl, dear.'
Amy: 'And Mummy, what's that furry stuff down there?'
Feeling awkward, Mother: 'That's my pubic hair, dear!'
Amy: 'When do I get hair down there Mummy?'
Mother: 'Oh kitten, you won't get them until you've grown up into a big girl, dear.'
Amy, her inquisitiveness sated, runs off down the hall and bursts into the bathroom. SHe is confronted with something she doesn't quite understand - her father is over the toilet, masturbating.
Amy: 'Daddy, Daddy, what is that big purple snake thing there Daddy?'
Shocked Daddy: 'Er, that's my dick, dear!'
Amy: 'Daddy, Daddy, when do I get one of those, Daddy?'
Daddy: 'As soon as your mum goes to bingo!!!!!!'
Depraved.
A drunk is stumbling through the woods when he happens upon a preacher baptizing folk in the river. He ambles down to the water’s edge then trips and falls down before the holy man.
Almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, the preacher pipes up: “Lord have mercy on your drunken soul, brother - are you ready to find Jesus?”
Out of his skull, the drunk agrees: “Yes, I am!” he replies.
And with that, the preacher grabs him and dunks him under the water.
Moments later, he drags the boozer back up: “Brother, have you found Jesus?”
“No, preacher,” stammers the drunk, “I have not!”.
Stunned by this, the preacher sends the drunk down again… this time leaving him there a little longer. Shortly he drags him back up again: “Rid your soul of the poison, brother - have you found Jesus?”
Gasping for air, the drunk splutters a reply: “No, preacher - I have not!”
At his wit’s end, the preacher sends the drunk down one last time.
A full minute later, he pulls him out: “For the love of God,” shouts the preacher, “tell me you’ve found Jesus!”
Coughing his lungs up, the drunk wipes his eyes and turns to the preacher: “You sure this is where he fell in?”
Almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, the preacher pipes up: “Lord have mercy on your drunken soul, brother - are you ready to find Jesus?”
Out of his skull, the drunk agrees: “Yes, I am!” he replies.
And with that, the preacher grabs him and dunks him under the water.
Moments later, he drags the boozer back up: “Brother, have you found Jesus?”
“No, preacher,” stammers the drunk, “I have not!”.
Stunned by this, the preacher sends the drunk down again… this time leaving him there a little longer. Shortly he drags him back up again: “Rid your soul of the poison, brother - have you found Jesus?”
Gasping for air, the drunk splutters a reply: “No, preacher - I have not!”
At his wit’s end, the preacher sends the drunk down one last time.
A full minute later, he pulls him out: “For the love of God,” shouts the preacher, “tell me you’ve found Jesus!”
Coughing his lungs up, the drunk wipes his eyes and turns to the preacher: “You sure this is where he fell in?”
what goes 99 plonk.
a centerpede with a wooden leg. soz if its been posted im hung over and cba to read 16 pages of shit jokes tbh
a centerpede with a wooden leg. soz if its been posted im hung over and cba to read 16 pages of shit jokes tbh
Last edited by [THE] comben (2007-01-31 06:09:41)
man that is soo olddweethw wrote:
yo momma like a hardware store ... ten cents a screw
that doesnt deserve karmanamsdrawkcaB wrote:
LOLROFLMAO lolzors1111!!! Fucking SICK arghh11! Police rage!11++CameronPoe wrote:
Here's a good BAD joke:
Little Amy was running around the house of an evening when she burst into her parents room. Her mother had just got out of the shower and was drying herself. She was getting ready to go out to Bingo that night.
Amy: 'Mummy, Mummy, what are those two things there!?'
Mother: 'Oh dear, they're my breasts, dear!'
Amy: 'Mummy, Mummy, when do I get breasts? When do I get breasts?'
Mother: 'Oh kitten, you won't get them until you've grown up into a big girl, dear.'
Amy: 'And Mummy, what's that furry stuff down there?'
Feeling awkward, Mother: 'That's my pubic hair, dear!'
Amy: 'When do I get hair down there Mummy?'
Mother: 'Oh kitten, you won't get them until you've grown up into a big girl, dear.'
Amy, her inquisitiveness sated, runs off down the hall and bursts into the bathroom. SHe is confronted with something she doesn't quite understand - her father is over the toilet, masturbating.
Amy: 'Daddy, Daddy, what is that big purple snake thing there Daddy?'
Shocked Daddy: 'Er, that's my dick, dear!'
Amy: 'Daddy, Daddy, when do I get one of those, Daddy?'
Daddy: 'As soon as your mum goes to bingo!!!!!!'
Depraved.
yes it does
minus karma