ImmortalTechnique
Banned
+33|6751
Dear Any Gasoline Company

Thank you for your letter dated September 7, 2005 where you thank me for being a loyal customer, and update me on the number of petro-points I have accumulated over the summer months.

I am elated to see such a keen interest in my spending habits, and I am equally impressed at the available “Rewards” that are available to me in exchange for my points. After four months of purchasing gas from your outlets, it would appear that I am eligible for a Petro-Canada beach ball. Just in time for winter.

That said, I have a radical proposal for your marketing department, and one which will make the effect of the above mentioned program significantly more appealing and successful at generating customer loyalty- I call it Petro-Share.

I accumulate points, and you issue me shares in your corporation. As I reach specific benchmarks, I get shares, and then, dividends. Alternatively, as I reach various benchmarks, you can offer me shares at a reduced price or even better- provide me with an ownership stake in the corporation, and a preferential pricing scheme as a result of my ownership interest. Like Price club or a credit union.

It operates exactly like your current system except that as I accumulate points on my card, I can use them to buy shares in your corporation. The current trading value of your shares are just under $50.00. Very much like the actual cost of a beach ball, the corporation has hold-back authority over many of its shares, and as such the actual cost to your organization of such a plan can be far below $50.00, especially after the tax incentives for such a radical marketing strategy. Alternatively, a second class of shares could be issued which are only equity based, and are not able to be aggregated to change the management direction of the organization.

The benefits to me of this plan are obvious. I have enough corporate propaganda that I don’t want or need. Especially now that I have a petro-canada beach ball. There is really nothing left for me to accumulate under your current scheme.

The benefits to you are also obvious- because right now, the quest for the beach ball is no longer keeping me interested in any form of corporate loyalty as only the super rich need two beach balls.

I am almost positive that my 18,000,000 friends who own cars across the country would agree. These same people are looking for a reason to create brand loyalty in an energy market where the corporations appear to work in tandem with one another to our detriment.

Ownership is empowering. If I believe that I have an actual stake in a corporation, I am far more likely to use its services.

Thank you, and congratulations on your continued prosperity. I, for one, am sick of being left out of profiting from famine, war and natural disasters. Let me in, or lose my business.
ImmortalTechnique
Banned
+33|6751
Dear Loyal Customer

Thank you so much for your fascinating letter in regards to our popular Petro-Points© customer appreciation program. I am glad that you enjoy your beach ball, however, according to our records it isn’t so much a “beach ball” as a blow-up doll. I digress…

With respect to your suggestion regarding issuing shares, you may be surprised to learn that this program has been proposed by some of our executives in the past. These people are no longer employed. There are many reasons that providing Petro-Points© rather than shares in our corporation is a preferable way of recognizing loyal customers like you:
• A practical concern arises from how, exactly, these shares would be allocated or transferred. In effect, your suggestion would require that every Petro-Canada customer have and provide us with information for a stock brokerage account. This is not possible. Even if it were, a significant amount of the rewards accumulated through the program would be wasted through brokerage fees at either on our end or the customer’s.
• It should also be noted that since shares are typically sold in “board lots” of 100, a customer would have to wait a significant amount of time to accumulate enough points to acquire $5,000 worth of shares. As I need not remind someone as savvy in the ways of marketing as you, this would more or less negate the purpose of the customer feeling “instant gratification” for their purchase.
• You allude to an idea that, because Petro-Canada has hold-back authority over a number of its shares, it would, in fact, cost less than the quoted value of the shares to issue them. This is an excellent idea that was widely used by Mssrs. Kenneth Lay and Jeff Skilling at Enron to pay for corporate expenses. Unfortunately, due to the vagaries of North American accounting laws and an obscure rule called GAAP, this is illegal. Evidently, issuing shares dilutes the equity of other shareholders and must be considered an expense commensurate with the cost of the shares issued.
• The reality is that giving away valuable merchandise (also known as cheap junk) is always cheaper for us than the actual retail value cited and as such, there is no benchmark for what value of shares would be issued.
• Near the end of your letter you state, “ownership is empowering” which is a cute, if somewhat pinko, sentiment. There are, in fact, groups where every customer is also an owner. They are alternatively called cooperatives or communes depending on your point of view. Your local credit union is a good example. Integrated energy companies tend not to be organized this way as customers who buy shares in a retail gasoline company tend not to be willing to pay for the costs of exploration, etc. inherent in an oil company.

In conclusion, we have duly considered your suggestion and thank you for your input. In the end, we’ve decided continue with our present customer loyalty program (after all, $456M in profits last quarter ain’t bad). We appreciate your business and will continue to provide excellent gasoline and late-night-munchies for your and every one of you 18,000,000 friends. At any time in the future, should you decide to purchase shares in Petro-Canada, we will be happy to profit from war, famine and natural disasters on your behalf.

Petro-Canada
RadioKon
Member
+2|6812|Atlanta, GA
lmao thats great!  +1
TheRealRyanRay
Member
+22|6802|Gainesville, FL
HaHaHa Love it
Major_Spittle
Banned
+276|6884|United States of America
I want a beach ball, Exxon doesn't give me shit.
TeamZephyr
Maintaining My Rage Since 1975
+124|6758|Hillside, Melbourne, Australia
Way it seems to work in Aus because of supermarket and petrol station aggrements is....

-you buy $100 of groceries
-you get a few cents off petrol even though that petrol is ridiculously overpriced anyway.

I wish we could get a few rewards for pouring endless amounts of money into the coffers of the rich petrol companies who seem to think that they HAVE to make a profit even though their company is already rolling in it.
TrollmeaT
Aspiring Objectivist
+492|6901|Colorado
Supply & demand, the supply is allmost gone.
spastic bullet
would like to know if you are on crack
+77|6770|vancouver
Petro-Canada Petro-Canada...
Canada Canada Petro Petro...
Petro-Rama Petro-Rama...
Rama Rama Petro Petro!

*Lubes up his beach ball*
Cybargs
Moderated
+2,285|6945
i want money!!!!!!!!!
https://cache.www.gametracker.com/server_info/203.46.105.23:21300/b_350_20_692108_381007_FFFFFF_000000.png
Hawk390
Member
+27|6873|Melbourne, Australia
TAKE THE BEACH BALL! TAKE IT AND RUN! dont let those corporate fat cats cheat you out of a beachball my friend!
ImmortalTechnique
Banned
+33|6751
Dear Petro-Canada

Thank you for your reply. I can see about as much thought went into it as your last round of marketting strategies.

First, in protecting one's intellectual property, one should note that Petro-Points is not something that can be copyrighted. It is a trademark.

Second, anyone can buy one share, you can give away shares, you can lease share dividends, or even rent-out the royalties on copyrighted material- Property is an object which can be alienated at the pleasure of its owner. As long as the process by which it is alienated is consistent with the government mandated trading requirements under the germane securities regulations. It is perfectly legal to alientate shares at a preferential price. That is how almost all corporate bonus packages are structured. Your specific mention of one heinous example of illegal accounting practices aside- there is nothing under the generally acceptable accounting practices and business principles that suggests that property cannot be alienated at below market value.

Third, the empowering idea of ownership is not "pinko" as you put it. In fact, most pinkos don't believe in ownership, unless it is state ownership. And we all know how well that worked out for Petro-Canada in the past.

Fourth, the link between exploration cost subsidy and ownership is totally irrelevant. If I buy a share in McDonald's, that doesn't mean I am not interested in learning about 100% pure beef (a fully held subsidiary) it means I want to own part of the principal. Your exploration costs are borne by your profits silly. Duh. And, to be perfectly honest, your offshore seismic exploration is subsidized by various governments around the world.

That said, many of the things that you say, are, in some sad way, all true. Your knee jerk response to a customer is, while predictable, indicative of a corporate culture that simply does not understand the purchasing power of the next generation. While correct from a existing corporate mentality, it demonstrates an unwillingness to change, the true death-knell of an anachronistic company. Ask Union Carbide.

There are numerous models that you can choose to follow to improve the positioning of your company in a Canadian market that it is already losing its footing in. Despite blatant favouritism in the early 80s (for obvious reason), the strategic positioning it had in the Canadian exploration and delivery markets is quickly being cut out from under it by large off-shore (pun intended) competitors. You can work to make Canadians to want to choose you. Even if it takes me ten years to accumulate enough points to get a modest alotment of shares, and without any prejudice to your company or your existing shareholders (except maybe Exxon's lot) something as simple as this program can do just that and improve your public image and build a lasting relationship with your customers. ING Direct- they broke the mold for banks. While not entirely apt, the service they provide is based on offering their customers something that the other lending institutions would not.

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