Family Guy Quotes

2006-06-28 07:52:07

#1

S3v3N: lolwut?; +685|6831|Montucky

I'll get this started:

Peter Griffin: Hey, let's play a game called "I never". You gotta drink if you never did the thing the person says they did.
Cleveland: I got one - I never slept with a woman with the lights on.
[everyone drinks]
Joe Swanson: I got one - I never slept with Cleveland's wife.
[Quagmire and Cleveland drink]
Peter Griffin: I never did a chick in the Logan airport bathroom.
[Quagmire drinks]
Peter Griffin: [later, Quagmire has 20 beers on the table] Oh, God, what else is there? I never gave a reach around to a spider monkey while reciting the pledge of allegiance.
Glen Quagmire: Oh, God!
[Quagmire drinks]
Joe Swanson: I never picked up an illegal alien from Home Depot to take me home and choke me while I touch myself.
Glen Quagmire: Oh, God!
[Quagmire drinks]
Peter Griffin: Same thing except with a chick from JoAnn Fabrics.
Glen Quagmire: Oh, Come on, this is getting ridiculous!
[Quagmire drinks]
Glen Quagmire: [he passes out]
Joe Swanson: Boy, he's out cold.
Peter Griffin: Let's write on him!

2006-06-28 07:53:23

#2

uber73: Member; +188|7064|Brisbane

My ethos...

Quag: Hey, u finished your beer. You Win!
Peter: Great, what do i win?
Quag: ANOTHER BEER!

2006-06-28 07:55:51

#3

THA: im a fucking .....well not now; +609|7083|AUS, Canberra

peter comes down stairs hung over

lois : peter thought you promise me you wouldn't drink last night

peter : and?

lois : well what did you do last night?

peter : went out drin.........oh hahahaha i almost walked right into that one.

2006-06-28 07:56:56

#4

2tuff: Positive Karma Here!; +357|7088

I think that the Banana in my sig does a dance similar to Brian from Family Guy.....you guys can be the judge.

Tuff

2006-06-28 08:00:03

#5

DoctorFruitloop: Level 13 Wrongdoer; +515|6859|Doncaster, UK

One of my favourites is the weather reporter on the news:

Tom Tucker: And now to Ollie Williams, with our live hurricane report. Ollie?
Ollie Williams: It's rainin' sideways!
Tom Tucker: Don't you have an umbrella, Ollie?
Ollie Williams: Had one!
Tom Tucker: Where is it?
Ollie Williams: Inside-out, five miles away!
Tom Tucker: Can we get you anything, Ollie?
Ollie Williams: Bring me some soup!
Tom Tucker: What kind?
Ollie Williams: Chunky!

Love Family Guy! And American Dad!

Stan: Surprise, I got us another wife! Her name's unpronouncabel so I just call her Thundercat!

2006-06-28 08:00:34

#6

S3v3N: lolwut?; +685|6831|Montucky

Peanut butter jelly time....

2006-06-28 08:00:39

#7

lagerfool: Member; +23|7077|SE Virgina

Pretty soon Meg you'll be wacking guys off with both hands!

2006-06-28 08:04:34

#8

mavrick 3399: EA GAMES PATCH EVERYTHING; +102|6854|Doncaster UK

setting the scene,
joe, peter, cleveland and quag are in joes new police van,

joe:try it out peter
computer voice: stop you are under arrest

the van proceeds to handcuff peter

peter:hey neat
cleveland: let me try
joe: NOOO
computer voice: minority suspect minority suspect look out hes got a gun (van places gun infront of cleveland)

2006-06-28 08:08:43

#9

mavrick 3399: EA GAMES PATCH EVERYTHING; +102|6854|Doncaster UK

first episode of season4

Mel:wheres my film peter
peter:its over there

Mel proceeds to walk off Mt Rushmore

Mel:ARRRAGH
Lois:oh my god he just walked right of the edge
peter:just as i suspected
Lois:how did you know
peter: simple Christians dont believe in gravity

2006-06-28 08:11:16

#10

mavrick 3399: EA GAMES PATCH EVERYTHING; +102|6854|Doncaster UK

tom tucker and ollie williams

tom:and we now go to adopte a pet with ollie williams ollie
ollie:YOU WANT THIS DOG

2006-06-28 08:14:40

#11

DoctorFruitloop: Level 13 Wrongdoer; +515|6859|Doncaster, UK

Tom Tucker: And now Channel 6 black man Ollie Williams with the weather. Ollie.
[cuts to Ollie]
Ollie Williams: Its gon' rain!

2006-06-28 08:17:46

#12

DoctorFruitloop: Level 13 Wrongdoer; +515|6859|Doncaster, UK

Brian Griffin: Jake brought vodka to the school dance, and Chris got blamed for it, and it's really turn his life upside-down face. [Stewie stares at Brian in disbelief]

2006-06-28 08:18:46

#13

DoctorFruitloop: Level 13 Wrongdoer; +515|6859|Doncaster, UK

Peter Griffin on seeing Joe Swanson in his wheelchair for the first time:

Peter: Holy crip, he's a crapple!

2006-06-28 08:20:05

#14

mavrick 3399: EA GAMES PATCH EVERYTHING; +102|6854|Doncaster UK

OPENING OF NEW HOTEL

tom: and we now go live to trisha tacanowa (cant spell last name)
trisha: hi tom, here i am stood across the street from the barrington hotel. i am sttod over here because its so posh that they dont let asains inside.

Tom and Diann

Diann:in other news you will be glad to know i finally got my period.
tom:i bet you and your brother are upset about the two headed offspring that never was.

Last edited by mavrick 3399 (2006-06-28 08:22:41)

2006-06-28 08:25:28

#15

mavrick 3399: EA GAMES PATCH EVERYTHING; +102|6854|Doncaster UK

quick to the hindenpeter

2006-06-28 08:27:54

#16

S3v3N: lolwut?; +685|6831|Montucky

Peter talking to the camera: ...but I'll tell you what's not cool--killing strippers. Strippers are people too; naked people who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later behind the curtain of a VIP room. Besides, there's no reason to kill them, 'cause most of them are already dead inside...Good night, folks!

2006-06-28 08:28:52

#17

DoctorFruitloop: Level 13 Wrongdoer; +515|6859|Doncaster, UK

mavrick 3399 wrote:
quick to the hindenpeter

Joe Swanson: HOW DO YOU AFFORD THESE THINGS???

2006-06-28 08:31:26

#18

S3v3N: lolwut?; +685|6831|Montucky

Tom Tucker: Because of an accident today at the Quahog cable company, all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time. Of course, no one can see this news program, so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets, how about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well, Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
Camera man: Hey guys, we're still on in Boston

2006-06-28 08:35:02

#19

DoctorFruitloop: Level 13 Wrongdoer; +515|6859|Doncaster, UK

Rofl!

2006-06-28 08:42:27

#20

rustynutz: I am British!; +124|6995|England and damn proud

[Peter is going away]

Peter: meg always where protection [holds up a binbag]

Meg: dont you mean a condom

[peter holds up binbag]

Peter: hefty hefty hefty

[lifts up condom]

Peter: wimpy wimpy wimpy

I cant remeber it exactly but it sticks in my mind lol

2006-06-28 08:45:30

#21

DesertFox-: The very model of a modern major general; +796|6997|United States of America

Stewart Gilligan Griffin- Victory is mine!

2006-06-28 08:47:19

#22

InviSniper: The first true Sniper.; +95|6956|Cumberland, MD, USA

Quagmire: Dear diary... jackpot!

2006-06-28 09:00:58

#23

Cybargs: Moderated; +2,285|7029

peter: here are the test resualts to prove im a genious
dog(lol forgot name): peter it says here ur mentally retarded
peter: would a mentally retarded guy call a drunk bull dozer driver to level half of his house in celebration
dog: maybe...

https://cache.www.gametracker.com/server_info/203.46.105.23:21300/b_350_20_692108_381007_FFFFFF_000000.png

2006-06-28 09:07:19

#24

Barney_T_Dinosaur: Time to Die Kids!; +41|6972

wow this is almost as intense as that time I forgot how to sit down.

2006-06-28 09:15:44

#25

DoctorFruitloop: Level 13 Wrongdoer; +515|6859|Doncaster, UK

Joe Swanson opens the door to find a flaming bag of shit on his doorstep. Beats it out with his usless legs and then smells his legs. He shouts....

Joe: DOODIE!!
Bonnie (in the background): I'll change you in a minute Joe, I'm doing the dinner.

BF2S Forums Family Guy Quotes

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