Firday tension release
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing. ''Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before.'' The doctor reassured her. ''A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?'' ''On my balls.''
A teenage girl came home from school and asks her mother, 'Is it true what Rita just told me?' 'What's that?' asks her mother. 'That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?' said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. 'But then, when I have a baby,' responded the teenager, 'won't it knock my teeth out?'
High Tech Jargon
NEW Different color from previous design
ALL NEW Parts not interchangeable with previous design
EXCLUSIVE Imported product
UNMATCHED Almost as good as the competition
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
FOOLPROOF OPERATION No provision for adjustments
ADVANCED DESIGN The advertising agency doesn't understand it
IT'S HERE AT LAST! Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
FIELD-TESTED Manufacturer lacks test equipment
HIGH ACCURACY Unit on which all parts fit
DIRECT SALES ONLY Factory had big argument with distributor
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT We finally got one that works
REVOLUTIONARY It's different from our competitors
BREAKTHROUGH We finally figured out a way to sell it
FUTURISTIC No other reason why it looks the way it does
DISTINCTIVE A different shape and color than the others
MAINTENANCE-FREE Impossible to fix
RE-DESIGNED Previous faults corrected, we hope...
HAND-CRAFTED Assembly machines operated without gloves
PERFORMANCE PROVEN Will operate through the warranty period
MEETS ALL STANDARDS Ours, not yours
ALL SOLID-STATE Heavy as Hell!
BROADCAST QUALITY Gives a picture and produces noise
HIGH RELIABILITY We made it work long enough to ship it
SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
NEW GENERATION Old design failed, maybe this one will work
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS We got a good deal at a government auction
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY You can return it from most airports
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES We finally got it to fit together
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED Does things we can't explain
AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY One of our techs was laid off by Boeing
Was this seen by anyone??
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing. ''Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before.'' The doctor reassured her. ''A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?'' ''On my balls.''
A teenage girl came home from school and asks her mother, 'Is it true what Rita just told me?' 'What's that?' asks her mother. 'That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?' said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. 'But then, when I have a baby,' responded the teenager, 'won't it knock my teeth out?'
High Tech Jargon
NEW Different color from previous design
ALL NEW Parts not interchangeable with previous design
EXCLUSIVE Imported product
UNMATCHED Almost as good as the competition
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
FOOLPROOF OPERATION No provision for adjustments
ADVANCED DESIGN The advertising agency doesn't understand it
IT'S HERE AT LAST! Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
FIELD-TESTED Manufacturer lacks test equipment
HIGH ACCURACY Unit on which all parts fit
DIRECT SALES ONLY Factory had big argument with distributor
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT We finally got one that works
REVOLUTIONARY It's different from our competitors
BREAKTHROUGH We finally figured out a way to sell it
FUTURISTIC No other reason why it looks the way it does
DISTINCTIVE A different shape and color than the others
MAINTENANCE-FREE Impossible to fix
RE-DESIGNED Previous faults corrected, we hope...
HAND-CRAFTED Assembly machines operated without gloves
PERFORMANCE PROVEN Will operate through the warranty period
MEETS ALL STANDARDS Ours, not yours
ALL SOLID-STATE Heavy as Hell!
BROADCAST QUALITY Gives a picture and produces noise
HIGH RELIABILITY We made it work long enough to ship it
SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
NEW GENERATION Old design failed, maybe this one will work
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS We got a good deal at a government auction
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY You can return it from most airports
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES We finally got it to fit together
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED Does things we can't explain
AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY One of our techs was laid off by Boeing
Was this seen by anyone??
Last edited by joker3327 (2006-07-13 06:53:27)